I have my notebook with me tonight. It's my companion that will never leave me and will listen in everything I have to tell. I just needed a pen to write and I'll be able to be heard. When I'm with this little companion, I am overflowing of many ideas about the things around me. I'm not scared to tell anything for I know there would be privacy between us. All I have to do is to protect it.
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Another chapter of my life has ended and the next one started to unfold already. Everything happens so fast that I couldn't grasp all of it. They have been changing since I don't know when it started. I gave my trust but they still betrayed me.
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I have a dilemma. I know for sure when I tell my story to anyone, one would say that I am really insane. I lost my sanity to grasp the things in reality and distinguished them from fantasy and delusions.
One might say I am so shallow to think and feel this way because of the things happened to me. But I must say that it all matters to me for these situations lead me to a place where everyone I love got hurt and still hurting.
One might say I am so self-centered individual who wants attention. I am proud to say "yes, I am". I am so self-centered and I do crave for attention... from those people I called family.
One might say I am a fool, stupid or anything you can call to someone who sacrifices everything and didn't gain any benefits from it. Truly, I am.
I want to save, protect, love and ... be with them yet I want to forsake, hurt, hate and leave them at the same time. For them to understand me, I should be on their side. To see the real me, I should argue with them. To stop me, they should listen. Please stop me.
I wanted to cry out loud.
I am really so twisted.
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