The Game of Life (BTS: Rap Monster)

One

 All I hear is the faint sound of the rain hitting my black umbrella. My tears block my sight so badly that I can't even watch the casket being lowered into the ground. What I hear now isn't the depressing rain, but my mom's last words, "Continue playing, even if I can't be part of it anymore." To her, life was only just a big game with setbacks, advances,- and an ending. This was the end of her game, but I was still expected to live mine.

My mom was living with cancer for a year. I moved out so that I could take care of her and I quit school so that I can help pay for the medical bills. It was just me and my mom; we only had each other. And now I'm alone.

Before my mom got sick she was anything but boring. Instead of encouraging me to do my homework like any other mother would do, she took me outside so we can find constellations. She told me stories of how when she was my age she had as much fun as possible chasing boys or hanging out with friends. She lived alone for a while and did as she pleased- until she met my dad.

The story of how they met is a little shaky. They lived in the same apartment building. My dad was the nice guy and my mom was the rebel. They were complete opposites actually so how they lived with each other is a mystery. My mom was following a guy she had a crush on and crashed into my dad by accident. Ever since then they couldn't help crashing into each other.

Now they're both gone and I'm alone.

"Seulbi-ah." I come out of my daze and I have to wipe my eyes with my tissue to finally see clearly again. 

It's my uncle, my mom's brother. He's struggling to keep dry partly by using the pamphlet as a sort of shield from the rain and coming a quarter of the way under my umbrella. His black suit is drenched which may cost him a lot of money considering it looks like it's made from some pretty expensive material. My uncle is fairly rich and well settled into life. It's a mystery why he couldn't help us with the medical bills.

"The priest asked if you'd like to toss a bit of dirt into the grave." I look up to see family and friends each in a line to sprinkle a little bit of dirt into the grave, sealing my mom away from me little by little. I don't want to send my mom away. I'm not ready.

I act as if I didn't hear my uncle and I turn around and walk away. I don't want to be here anymore; I can't be here anymore. I want to go home and look to my side to see my mom watching intently at the constellations. I want to feel her hug me again. I want to hear her voice.

My uncle calls my name, but eventually he's so far away that the sound of the rain eventually drowns his voice out. I sit under a nearby tree and sit against it's trunk which seems to be the only secure and stable thing in my life right now. I can' t take it anymore. The tears fall hard now. No more teardrops, but now endless streams. I drop the umbrella but I don't feel the rain. I know it's raining, but all I feel is nothing. 

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When the rain finally stops I stand up and look to the burial site to see everyone starting to leave. I head over slowly at first, but when I see men shoveling heaps of dirt into the grave I start to pick up my pace. I reach the grave and peer inside. The casket is still visible until one shovel of dirt later and she's gone. 

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After the funeral I received plenty of condolences. Most of my family members understood, but my friends always gave me a look of which seemed to be remorse. They knew how much my mom meant to me, but they didn't have to show it constantly on their faces. The days after the funeral I kept seeing the same face of remorse and every time I saw it, I couldn't help but think of my incredible loss.