First Word

I was sitting on the floor surrounded by stuffed bears with our son James. He was only eight months old and looked incredibly like Dan. He had Dan’s big brown eyes, long eyelashes, and chocolate brown hair that sprouted in curls on top of his head. He even had his smile and dimples. I sat on the floor playing with him and his bears. Dan was busy in the bedroom working on editing his new video. He still worked on youtube videos and occasionally did videos with james and I in them. Unfortunately he didn’t always have time to spend with James and I. He tended to get caught up in his work. Some days he completely surrounded himself with the videos and BBC work that he would barely come out of his bedroom unless it was to eat, or go to the BBC. And today was no different, he was in our room working on his video.

I sat on the floor playing with James and the bears. I sighed thinking about Dan and work, he hadn’t come out all evening. “Daddy will come out soon okay Little Bear?” I said to him. James smiled and wiggled. “Daddy!” he said holding up his feet, rocking on his romp. My jaw dropped and I smiled. “What did you say?” I asked. It was the first time he had ever said a real word. “Did you just say Daddy?” I asked. “Daddy!” James repeated smiling ear to ear. I hugged him smiling and tickling him, “Thats right!” I said playing with James.

Then the realization hit e. Dan just missed James first word because he was busy again. I had asked Dan to spend more time with us, I knew that it was his job and everything but, we discussed in the past that he needed to spend more time with James or he would end up missing things such as this. Dan just missed our son’s first word. I picked James up and hugged him fixing his hair. “Let’s go see how daddy’s doing alright?” I said and kissed his forehead. I walked into our bedroom to see Dan talking to a camera. He looked slightly annoyed that I walked in on him. “I told you I was filming.” he said. I shrugged and sat down next to him holding James in my lap. “James said his first word.” I said calmly.

Dan’s facial expression changed. He grinned extremely large and picked James up. “James!” He said holding James up, smiling and playing with him. He turned and faced me, “What did he say?” he said excitedly. I looked at James, “He said daddy...” I said. Dan looked at me smiling, “Really?” he said excitedly. I nodded, “Yup. He said daddy.” Dan smiled and kissed James. “You said daddy?” James squirmed and wiggled smiling and squealing. Dan placed James on his lap, and his facial expression changed. He looked at me and his facial expression was sad. “I missed it.” I looked at him, I frowned. “Yeah...you did...you were working on your video...” I whispered and looked at my feet. Dan sighed and adjusted James on his lap. Dan sat silently and played with James’ hair. “I’m sorry...” he said. I sighed, “I keep asking you Dan, to spend more time with us because you’re going to miss these things. I understand you have a job, and it’s work and everything but you can come out and spend time with your family more.” I reached over and grabbed James, picking him up. “I’m going to take James for a walk.” I said. I was mad. I wanted Dan to be there for his son, but he was always busy. “Wait-.” He said, I turned around. “What Dan?” I asked. Dan looked at me and ruffled his hair. “I’m sorry.” “I know.” I said. I walked out of the room and grabbed a jacket for James and put socks and shoes on him. I placed him in his pram, and headed towards the door. Dan walked out of the room standing in the doorway, watching me and James as we were about to leave. I sighed and looked at him, “I’ll be back in about 20 minutes.” I said. “alright...I guess I’ll work and finish my video.” Dan responded and turned around. I went to open the door to leave, when James yelled in protest, “DADDY!”

I stopped. Dan turned around and walked up to James. “Daddy’s here...” he said. He looked up at me and smiled his goofy grin that I had always loved. Dan kissed James on the forehead. “Daddy’s here..” James looked up at Dan and smiled, “Daddy!” Dan picked up James and hugged him, and then looked at me. “I’m sorry.” he looked at me and I looked at him, “It’s okay, I’m sorry I was moody.” I said to him, he kissed my cheek. “I really do need to spend more time with you and James. I don’t want to miss anything like this again.” I smiled and kissed him softly. James wiggled in between us. “Good.” I said kissing his nose, I grabbed a jacket off of a rack next to me and handed it to Dan, trading him the jacket for James. “How about you come for a walk with us as a family?” Dan smiled, and put on the jacket, “That sounds like a plan.”