Is it my fault?

Chapter 5: Acclimatisation

A/N: A lot longer than the chapters before but I hope you like it anyway. Chapter 6 will be up tomorrow. Picture shows how I imagine Alice and video has nothing to do with the chapter I just love the song. 

"I just couldn't live knowing you died because of me as well." Alice's words ringed in his ear, when he was lying in bed unable to sleep. He had a feeling he would know what had happened, if HYDRA wouldn't have brain washed him. His fists clenched, this incredible anger he felt towards HYDRA was growing day by day. A whimper pulled him out of his thoughts, before the creaking of the wooden floor pulled his attention towards the door to the hallway. He was about to jump out of bed, when the door opened and Alice was standing in the doorway. "Can't sleep?" Her voice was low, in the tower he wouldn't have understood her with all the noise of the city, but in the silence of the cottage it sounded like she was talking normally. "Not really." Bucky chuckled dryly, before he walked over to her. "Let's watch some TV. Sam once said he always falls asleep watching TV." Alice nodded her head, before she grabbed the male's hand. Having some kind of physical contact with him always calmed her done and even though she would've loved to just throw herself into his arms right at that moment, she knew that she probably would confuse him like hell.

"This is horrible." Bucky grumbled, his brows furrowed in shock, while the two of them watched some reality TV show. "It definitely makes one question the human race." Alice agreed, making Bucky chuckle slightly, before he glanced at her. She was wrapped into a blanket, her legs against her chest, while her arms wrapped around them, her head leaning on her knees. She seemed calm, making a relieved smile appear on Bucky's face. She had been distressed earlier, she had tried to hide it, but for the trained assassin, it was no effort at all to spot it the second she opened the door. He guessed she had had a nightmare, which would also explain the whimper he had heard, before she came into his room. When he had seen her, he had had the urge to pull her into bed next to him, something in his head just told him to do it, but he didn't understand why, so he ignored the impulse and decided to distract her instead. "I don't understand how Sam can love it that much." Bucky stated in disbelief. "Taste varies I guess." Alice shrugged, her eyes still fixed on the TV. "True, but this...this is just... terrible." Bucky's statement earned a chuckle from Alice. "Very true." Alice agreed, before she chuckled once more, making Bucky smirk to himself. He made her laugh and it made him feel fantastic. Her laugh sounded amazing and he wanted to hear it again.

Two weeks past and Steve was still not at the cottage. Alice stared out of the window, she was worried. She had always been worried about Bucky and Steve. First she had always been more worried about Steve, which had been reasonable, after all he had always been the one to get into fights. A small smile appeared on her face, when she remembered how Bucky somehow always managed to find Steve just in time, before the fights ended horribly. This was how she got more involved with the two of them.

*Flashback*

"Never thought someone so small could take so many hits" Alice heard a male's voice chuckling in an alley, when she walked past. She had been on her way home from school. Her brows immediately furrowed, the words ringing in her head. Without a second thought she turned into the alley, only to find two jocks from her school hitting a rather scrawny boy. "What the hell are you doing? Knock it off!" The jocks turned around at the sound of Alice's voice, a smirk painted on their face, when they eyed the female. "Why would we do that, baby doll?" One of them walked closer, trying to intimidate her with his height, but Alice was having none of it. "Don't call me 'baby doll'!" She snapped, her arms placed on her waist. "And no 'baby doll' would chose someone who is hitting someone who is clearly not as strong as them. This fight shows how cowardly the two of you truly are, fighting someone weaker isn't something to be proud of." The jocks didn't seem to like Alice's statement, as soon as she had finished her rant the two of them started to corner her against one of the brick walls, the scrawny boy tried to pull them away from her, earning a punch to his guts, forcing him down to his knees. "Moving from a weaker victim to a female victim, huh?" The voice broke the tension of the alley. Alice twisted her neck to find another boy, he pulled one of the jocks away from her, before he pushed him towards the street, making him stumble and land on his bottom. "Next time find someone your own size." He grabbed the other one at his collar. "And how about a fair and even number." Alice snapped, when the two jocks started to stumble away from the three of them.

As soon as they had been out of sight, Alice started to pick up the books she had dropped out of shock, when the two had advanced towards her. She was about to grab her last book, when the scrawny kid handed it to her. "Thank you." Alice smiled at him, arranging her books in her arms. "Are you alright?" She looked him up and down, trying to figure out, how much damage they had done, before she stepped in. "Nothing, I'm not used to." He gave her a small smile, before turning to the other boy. "Let me guess 'you had him on the ropes'" Their saviour raised his brow, waiting for the scrawny kid to answer. Alice had a feeling that this had not been the first time he had saved the other boy from getting beaten up. "Something like that." He grumbled, making the other boy shake his head. Alice figured this was her cue to leave, so she turned around leaving the alley.

It had almost been a month later, when Alice was once again on her way home from school, when she saw the two boys leaving an alley once again. The skinny boy was facing her, saying something to the other one, making him turn around to face Alice. She gave them a small smile and was about to walk past them, when the boy who saved them stopped her. "Excuse me, I don't think Steve here ever thanked you for saving him." Alice looked at him wide eye, his voice alone made her heart rate pick up. "I don't think I am the one, who saved him after all, they punched him once more, when he tried to intervene." Alice stated, furrowing her brows, when she remembered. "I think it's more accurate that I have to thank you for saving us." Alice gave him a small smile. "How about a dance as a 'thank you' than?" A heartbreaking smile was on his face and Alice was sure her heart had stopped. "I usually don't dance with people without knowing their name." The smile on his face grew, when the words left her mouth. "I'm Bucky." "Alice"

*End of flashback*

She had continued to watche over them after she was forced to feign her death. She had kept an close eye on Steve because he got more into trouble than Bucky, which had been the reason she stayed behind in New York with Steve instead of going with Bucky. That was a move she regretted the second she got to Germany with Steve, well she was hiding, but she was still watching them. She had been angry with herself for not going with Bucky, she might had been able to prevent his first longer stay to a HYDRA base. Her worry shifted after that incident, she knew that thanks to the super soldier serum, Steve didn't need her help not as much as Bucky might need her. She was proven right, when Bucky feel off the train. She started grinding her teeth at the memory of her failure all those years ago.

The memory was constantly replaying in her head, it was the theme of her nightmares and the reason she hated to be alone. When she was alone she had time to think and like a sick joke her mind always brought her back to that moment, making her think about all the possible ways she might have been able to save him. "If you keep grinding your teeth like that, you will need a new pair very soon." Bucky teased her, a small smile playing on his lips. Alice's jaw relaxed, before she shrugged, not being able to come up with a good comeback.

"Wasn't Steve supposed to be here a few days ago?" She voiced her concern, but quickly regretted it, when the smile vanished and worry took over Bucky's face. "He was." Bucky stated, before he turned around into the hallways, leaving Alice on her own in the kitchen area. "Well, it's good we had that conversation." Alice grumbled to herself. "I heard that!" Bucky's voice ringed through the cottage, making Alice giggle. When Bucky returned to the kitchen, he was fumbling with his phone. He looked up to see Alice grinning at him. He just shook his head, before staring back at his phone, looking for a missed text or call, which would explain why Steve wasn't here yet.