How It Really Feels

I.

There were times when I lost it.

There were times when I seek almost all of the possible hardships of companionship.

There were moments when my thoughts were shattered in the deepest realm of my being.

There were moments when I do not know if the truth is what I'm seeing.

II.

All I know at this certain point of time is that I do not know who I really am.

All I know is that the essence of my vulnerability is now at its glorious splendor with my happiness at the bittersweet end.

All I know is that the very thing that created me, destroyed my being;

All I know is that I want to end this feeling.

III.

It wasn't about them to begin with.

It wasn't about all those sleepless nights as I lay down thinking of you.

It wasn't all about the past that could shatter us to pieces.

It wasn't all about you making all the wrong choices.

IV.

It wasn't all about those times you made me doubt of who I really am.

It wasn't all about those times you shut down life and convinced others that you are a man.

It wasn't even about those girls who drove your mechanism to an active state.

It wasn't even all about you being late.

V.

Maybe it was me unknowingly wanting more,

Maybe it was me hurting before,

Maybe it was me with that wishful thinking that you'd have that same heart I once shared,

Maybe it was me who is now tired but once cared.

VI.

Somehow it was you and your tiny mark of insensitivity.

Somehow it was you and your blatant excuses for inconsistency.

Somehow it was you hiding from what could have really been.

Somehow it was you not knowing where we have always been.

VII.

I tried making excuses for the many plots against your time.

I tried making excuses to make myself believe that we could actually make sense.

I tried making excuses for all those bittersweet nights of unwanted doubts.

I tried making excuses for the uttered painful word that shouts.

VIII.

I don't know how it really happened,

I don't know how and why but somehow it did,

I don't know how to have the heart to love that perfectly seals,

But I do know this is how it really feels...