ʟɪɢʜᴛ ꜱᴘᴇᴇᴅ | 𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣 𝙟𝙖𝙚𝙜𝙚𝙧

38. 𝙔𝙊𝙐'𝙍𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙊𝙉𝙇𝙔 𝙂𝙊𝙊𝘿 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙄𝙉 𝙈𝙔 𝙇𝙄𝙁𝙀

038, 𝙔𝙊𝙐'𝙍𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙊𝙉𝙇𝙔 𝙂𝙊𝙊𝘿 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙄𝙉 𝙈𝙔 𝙇𝙄𝙁𝙀

.⋆𐙚 🍒

|| 𝙉𝙊𝙒 𝙋𝙇𝘼𝙔𝙄𝙉𝙂... 𝙋𝘼𝙍𝘼𝘿𝙄𝙎𝙀, 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙉𝙀𝙄𝙂𝙃𝘽𝙊𝙐𝙍𝙃𝙊𝙊𝘿 ||

EVERYONE IS RUNNING FROM SOMETHING.

Some people run from grief. From their parents. From the friends they left behind. Some run from the version of themselves they swore they'd never become again.

I've spent years running from everything.

There are pieces of my past I pretend I don't carry anymore. Not because they're forgotten—because in reality, I remember every detail—but because saying those things out loud, being forced to relive them, feels like admitting those versions of me were real. That I really did all those things. That I really was that girl.

Most people talk about healing as if it's a straight line. Like you wake up one day and simply decide to be better, and suddenly the person you used to be dissolves and a new sin-free version of you is born—someone softer, kinder, cleaner. But the truth is uglier: you don't get to choose which parts of you stay. You don't get to bury the versions you hate. You learn how to pick them up quietly and shove them deep beneath layers of skin and muscle and hope no one ever looks hard enough to find them.

At least, that's what I thought.

Until today.

Until this moment—this exact second—when the universe decided to rip open the seams I stitched shut years ago and spill everything into the hands of the people I've been trying so desperately not to disappoint.

There's a strange terror in being known. Truly known.

For the longest time, after learning about the rooftop—about how Eren had been the one to save me that night—what terrified me wasn't the fall. It was knowing he heard me say things about myself I never would've told anyone. Because for the first time in my life, there was nowhere to hide. Not behind smiles. Not behind sweet words or fake laughter. I had stripped myself bare without even realizing it—and knowing he remembered that version of me scared me more than anything ever had before.

Because what if meeting the old me meant he'd stop liking the new me?
Or worse—what if I wasn't even that girl anymore?
The one who'd somehow known the right things to say on the rooftop, words that saved his life?

I'm not proud of the things I did to escape, the things I did just to give myself a chance to survive. I'm not proud of the choices I made when I didn't know how to choose myself.

So what am I supposed to do now, standing in front of the people I finally trust, knowing I'm expected to hand them the ugliest parts of me? Knowing I can't control what they'll think once they see the whole picture?

The only thing I know is this:

You can outrun almost anything when you're traveling at light speed—except for the past. Because the past doesn't need to chase after you—it knows exactly where you end up hiding

We all just stood there, frozen in a parking lot that suddenly felt too big and too empty now that the party was over, shivering in this weird mix of shock and confusion and pure, unreal disbelief. My entire body ached. My ears still rang from the gunshot that had gone off. My hands wouldn't stop shaking as I gripped onto the fabric of Eren's costume. 

Armin was the first one to recover. Clearing his throat, his soft voice cut through the silence, suggesting we start moving again.

Everyone muttered some version of agreement.