Now I Panic

Plane Ride

I'm packing now, at 8:55 in the morning. My flight leaves at 9:20.

"Do you have your cell phone? You'll need your laptop too; so you can send us pics."

The guys are lounging on my bed, watching me.

"You know, you guys could help me out a bit here."

Bryan groans. "Please tell me you don't need tampons."

I grin mischievously. "Maybe..."

He leaps up. "I'm out."

I burst out laughing. "Alright alright; I'm just kidding. But can you go downstairs and get me my yellow and green converse? Please?" He nods and leaves.

Mark looks like he wants to cry, which is very out of character for him. He senses me watching and turns, not even bothering to smile now.

"Do you even know how long you're going to be gone? What if it's months? What are we supposed to wear for our gigs? I don't know how to do that thing you do to my hair either."

I bite my lip, continuing to pack. "Just call me; I should be able to help you guys out by phone."

"But we don't-"

"Do you really need to pile all of this on me right now?! I'm upset enough without you guys reminding me of all the things I do to help you out that I wont be able to do anymore until-"

Mark holds up his hands, noticing my panic. "Alright, Kor; I'm sorry okay? Calm down please."

I throw down the shirt I'm holding, right as Bryan walks in with my shoes.

"Don't tell me to calm down Mark! Would you be calm if you had to leave the guys and I to go live with mom and dad again?!"

Mark looks nervous, watching me rant. I stop, leaning against the wall next to me for support, trying to calm my breathing. I put my finger to my throat, trying to massage the sudden tightness away. I know the guys hate seeing me like this.

I have a history of major panic attacks. Ever since I was about five. My parents sent me to a therapist for a while, before Mark took me. My attacks seemed to go down a lot after that-I haven't had one in months.

Bryan kneels next to me.

"Kort?"

"What?"

"We can take care of ourselves. Just go hear whatever your parents have to say, then come back, and we'll take you wherever you want to go for a whole week. You wont have any fun in Cali anyways."

I laugh bitterly. "No you can't take care of yourselves; but thanks for trying to cheer me up anyways."

My suitcases packed, I sit back against the wall. The guys look pretty bummed out. I decide to lighten the mood a bit.

"You know, I've had a crush on each of you guys at least twice? Except Mark of course."

They all smile, eyebrows raised in question and amusement.

I laugh, slightly embarrassed, but continue anyway.

"It's true! Remember when I first moved in? Mark-you walked in first, and I followed you. You actually made me carry my own bags!" Mark laughs.

"So in we come- and Liam-you walked in, took one look at me lugging my bags, and just took them. That was when I realized that you were shirtless. You carried them to my room, and the whole time I was following you, I kept thinking: 'OMG! A god is carrying my bags! I need to dye my hair blonde and lose ten pounds.' "