In everything you do, before you do it you always plan, plan the way you want it to go but you can never be certain if it will go the way you planned it, cause most of the times it doesn't, well it rarely goes the way you want it to.
I know that not all things go the way you planned it, sometimes, no most of the times it really won't and you can't control that, all you can do (as people say) is go with the flow. The outcome of your plan might be better than you expected, it might go exactly the way you wanted it (does that even happen?), or it might be heartbreaking, well that's how it went for me, heartbreaking.
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I'm Scarlet Williams, 37 years old. I have two kids and am a single parent. Wanna know how that happened? It's a long story, very. I've always pictured myself sitting on a porch somewhere, grey-haired, right next to my husband and watching our grandkids. i've realized it won't go that way anymore, it never will and that thought makes me want to shoot myself in the head with a gun. You people might say that i'm too bitter but don't judge, you haven't heard my story yet, after that i'll let you judge me all you want for wanting that.
It all started when i was 16, i met the most amazing guy and i didn't even know that guys like him still existed. You know that king of guy who's a gentleman, cute, tall, smart and more, those are just the basics. When i met him, i knew i didn't have a chance with him, i mean c'mon, i'm completely out of his league. We did become friends and i thought that's what were gonna be, just friends but then i thought wrong. You know that conversation with someone you like and you tell him that no one loves you in this world and no one ever will and you're hoping that he's gonna tell you that he loves, well that happened.
"I'm gonna end up alone"
"No you're not, how can you say so?"
"C'mon, no one loves me not even like"
"Why wouldn't they love you or like you?"
"Cause i'm ugly"
"No you're not, you're beautiful"
Oh my gosh! Is this happening?! Is this really happening?!
"No i'm not" It is true.
"Beauty comes from within, it's not just about being pretty, it's about being kind"
"You think I'm beautiful?"
"I do"
"Well if being beautiful isn't gonna get me any love then being beautiful sucks"
"There are many people who loves you"
"Really? Like who?"
"Like.......me"
Holy! Now i might be dreaming, no i am dreaming, just dreaming i mean this couldn't possibly be happening, this is impossible.
"Wake up Scarlet! Wake up!" whispered to myself.
"What are you doing?"
"Trying to wake myself up"
"You are awake"
"No i'm not, i couldn't possibly be"
"Why wouldn't you be awake?"
"Cause you loving me is impossible, no its beyond impossible"
"What?!" Oh gosh, he's coming near me.
He took my hand and looked me in the eyes.
"It's not impossible, cause i do, i love you Scarlet"
Oh my gosh! Carl Williams is in love with me!
"I love you too Carl"
"Really?"
"I do, very much"
And that's when i knew that he might probably be the one. I wasn't even sure that he was the one but it felt like it really was, he really was the one. After that he started courting me and wasn't the typical kind of courting, it was very simple yet sweet. He always makes me those poems that just makes you melt.
After the first month i thought he was already at his best but i was wrong. We started getting serious right after that month, we started to plan ahead us, plan how our wedding will go, how big our family will be, and how our life's gonna be.
"I promise you this Scarlet, i will never let you go"
"Really?"
"Yeah...as long as you want me"
"Are you kidding me? I always want you, and i always will"
"I love you Scarlet"
"I love you too Carl"
"Someday i'll change your name from Scarlet Chase to Scarlet Williams"
"Wow. That sounds really good"
"I know. Wait, how many kids do you want?"
"Huh? Uhmm.....4?"
"2 girls, 2 boys?"
"Ok. Wow"
"What? It's better to get ahead you know"
"I know"
"Good. So are in with this?"
"Definitely"
"Great"
He looks into my eyes and it makes me want to kiss him so i did.
"Wow. What was that for?"
"Nothing. I just felt like it"
"Scarlet, i never want to lose you"
"You're not gonna lose me"
"If you were to live a hundred, i'd want to live a hundred minus 1"
"What?! I don't want to live without you"
"Then we'll die together"
"Really?"
"Yes, i promise"
"Pinky promise?"
"Pinky promise"
"I love you"
"I love you too"
When the time came, we got married, had two kids, Stephanie and Paul (the others is still in the making). Our marriage were perfect, we rarely fought and we were happy as a family. We were almost there to complete our plan but something happened, something terrible.
"Carl? Carl wake up. Ca-arl"
"Carl?"
"Don't play with me Carl"
I came up the bed to see if he's breathing. Oh my he's not! I started to do CPR. If i don't get him breathing, i'll lose him and he promised me we'll die together.
"Stephanie! Paul!"
"Mom, what's wrong? Oh my! What happened to dad?!" Stephanie
"Call for help, call the ambulance!"
The ambulance came and took him in the ER. They said they'd inform me in just awhile and when the doctor came to talk to me, i found out that he almost died and that he is well. I came in to his room and it just hurts me to see him like this, with tubes attached to him, he seems so lifeless.
They said he was gonna be okay and i believed that but he soon died. As heartbreaking as it is he's gone, he won't be able to see another day, another day with me. I won't get to sit with him on a porch somewhere, grey-haired where we cant watch our grandkids playing, i won't be able to hear those three words from him anymore, there won't be anyone to hug me when it's cold at night, he won't be able to tell me that everything's gonna be okay and tell me that he's always there for me when i have a problem, i won't be able to hear his voice, his voice that keeps me going, no one to sneak up from my behind and kiss me..... he's gone and it hurts, i wanted to follow him but i knew he wouldn't want me to leave the kids behind, they need me but i need him as well, we were supposed to do this together and i don't know if i can go on without him but i'll try.......
