The Bass Player Who Stole Her Heart

Realizing that i dont deserve love...

    I was awoken several hours later by my neighbor Christa knocking on the door. "Scar, Honey? You okay in there?" I stood up and felt dizzy but i had begun feeling a bit better. "Yeah Chris I'm fine. " I say and turn the sink on. My mom had given her a key so that she could check up on me every now and again. I've known her for years. She actually treated me like she cares... but after Saffire I dont get close to anyone anymore... I tell her she can go on home and that I'll be over later for dinner. I walk into my room and grab some clothes before going to get a hot shower. I turn the water on and get it to the right temperature before I strip and get in. As I wash the blood off of my body i realize how deep the cuts actually were. The hot water stings when it hits them, but i get used to it. I continue to wash my body and i finish with my hair. Finally i get out and dry off with a towel. I put my long sleeve band tee on and some skinny jeans. I slip on a pair of toms and grab my keys, wallet, phone, and iPod. I walk down stairs and look around. The house was clean so I walked out the door and locked it. I walked over to Christa's house and knocked. She immediately opened the door and puled me into a big hug. She walked back into the kitchen and I followed her, knowing that she would probably need some help with the rest of dinner. I made the salad and took the bowl of it to the table in the dining room while she finished the lasagna. We sat down and ate in silence. She asked me a little about school but i just brushed it off saying it was fine. She was starting to irritate me i just wanted to be alone so I excused myself from the table and went to the bathroom. 
While I was in there I started think about everything that's been happening to me lately, I miss Saffire, she always helped me in these situations. I wish I would have been there to stop her.. it hurts knowing that I couldn't do anything to help her. She was so young.. I walk back down stairs and tell Christa I don't feel well and I'm going home "okay love, call me if you need me" Christa says. I let her know I will and I start walking home. I grab my keys and let myself inside once I get to the door. I slam it closed and lock it before running upstairs and curling in bed crying. I hate myself.. I should have been there for Saffire. She deserved a better friend... I should have killed myself when I got the chance, no one would miss me. No one would care. I'm a hendrance to everyone.. I plug my phone in and turn on my music. Trying to fall asleep is harder these nights..
when I'm constantly thinking about my best friends and everything we've went through.. I don't want to be here anymore.. I don't want to love anyone..
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Sorry it's been so long since I last updated and I probably won't update often. I'm sorry. Comment and vote if you want more chapters