In Her Mind (one shot)

art

"He was a piece of art. everything he did, every move he made was for a purpose.

meeting him was a mess. he was a mess and I couldn't help but let his feelings that were so unbearably strong effect me in the worst way possible as well. walking into the book shop wasn't supposed to be difficult that day, I wasn't supposed to meet someone like him, I wasn't supposed to be dragged down by someone who's depression and anxiety could have made something as lifeless as a rock feel something. he wasn't rude, nor was he a gentlemen. it was almost as if he was trying to make my life waver just because his was a wreck. and I fell for it. he made me believe in each step he took, he made me believe each word he spoke, he made me believe in him.

he never acknowledged me when I told him I loved him. and i am sure he still wouldn't. the process of love was something unimaginable to him. he was so alienated from the concept that it made him get remarkably angry because he knew that he would never understand it. much like outer space, the human body, and things as simple as phone calls; he knew he would never understand how they worked. if ever a new concept was brought to him, he would not stop until he tried his hardest to understand how that object or feeling works. he wasn't obsessive, he just hated unanswered questions. for so long he was so distant from me, he didn't like to look at me for longer than I looked at him, and he didn't like to stand too close. I like to think that it was because he couldn't quite figure me out. I was a cliffhanger to him and so he kept coming back. and he would until he was certain that he had me figured out.

he didn't let a single detail escape his eyes. instead he studied it, he took into consideration everything that you did; that I did and he made sure that he cherished my decisions and the choices that I made every second. he did this simply because he knew that I wouldn't do anything, I wouldn't wear anything, and I wouldn't say anything without thinking about it first. we were alike in that way. we lay out our options, consider the audience, and make the best decisions possible within the situation. some may think that that is over the top, and blatantly unnecessary, but to him it was more than that; it was passion and more than anything it was just how he simply lived. and to me that meant the world.

he always compared me to a cloud. to most that may seem insensitive for lack of a better word but not for us. the way he gave his reasoning is something that I wish I could have remembered word for word. it made me feel like loving him was something that was just second nature. his words  were along the lines of "everyone wants nothing more than to feel a cloud, to be able to grasp it and know what it is like. we can take pictures from miles away, we can admire their beauty for minutes at a time before we  feel silly knowing that we will never have the chance to pick up a cloud and take it home".

he cherished me. he made me feel like no matter how many times I messed up, no matter how many hurtful words I spoke to him, he made me feel like I was okay. he turned my anger into love and my fear into hope. in that way he was beautiful. he had a single passion in life and it was me, but I wasn't myself without him therefore his passion was us. it was so strong the refused to label me. he said I wasn't an object to him. which is why we never got married.

my love and gratitude to him will never end, he will always be the man I will come home to, and he will always be the man I will give my life to. I am now 84 years old, I met him when I was 17 and I will never doubt my love for him. may my other half rest peacefully from this day on until I can be with him for a lifetime longer. I will always love you and cherish our memories as much as you did to me.

thank you everyone for coming to this funeral, and may you all find someone who loves you as much as he loved me and I loved him."