Chapter 12

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I'm layed up in bed in a fetal position. Murmuring things to myself. I get up and lay up against the cup board of the bed. My fingers brush against the wrap as I slowly unwrap it.

When it is fully off I look at my fresh but semi-healed wounds. I let my cuts take the fresh air. My phone beeps and I look at it to see new twitter nonifications.

I logged on looking at 637 new nonifications.

@ellidaworst your fat and ugly

@badpeepslikemeh I don't like your hair

@ilivonedirection I just saw there first concert zayn dedicated a song too u :)

That last tweet made me smile apart from the other ones.

Was I really fat?

Was I ugly?

Does my hair look bad?

I sped walk towards the bathroom and grabbed the scissors. The scissor holes in between my fingers.

They don't like my hair well i'll change that.

I cut my long brown hair up to my collar bone.

"Now do they like my hair?!" I blurted out loud. My hair was all over the floor. I threw the scissors at the wall and collapsed on the floor crying.

My stomache growled. "T-that's r-right I-I haven't eaten b-breakfeast." I managed to say between sobs. I grab a granola bar. And unwrap it. The gronala bar never tasted so good. I mean I haven't eaten since yesterday's lunch.

Soon I finished it. "Darn. But that's all I'm having till dinner." I told myself. i head to my room and my phone is ringing.

me:hello?

zayn:babe! hows it going?!

me: erm.....good. ive missed you.

zayn: ive missed you too. the tour is going to be over in a couple weeks. but dont worry youll get this sexy beast back

me: ok be safe no partying!!!

zayn: ok! love you

me: love you too

i hung up. boy when he sees me theres ging to be alot of changes hes going to see.

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i was currently whatching zayns video diaries.

"vas happening?!" zayn said in one of them. Ah zayn is so cute. I miss him so much. It makes me teary. I turned on the tv and the news was on. I got up and left but something caught my eye. "Zayn Malik proposed to keyla Arboleda?! Well we have a picture of zayn kneeling down right here." The news reporter said.

I went into the bathroom and threw up. And kept throwing up. That's one of the things I hate about myself. When I throw up I can't stop throwing up. It sucks! Like really bad.

I couldn't breathe anymore, every time I tried to gasp for air I just threw up more. Finally I had stopped. My whole body was shaking. I've never felt so weak.

I grew limp on the floor, every muscle would not move. I sighed, one thing my body would do. I had nothing to do except just think.

I'm always thinking. Soon I drifted asleep.

.................

I woke up on the floor, my body ached. Wow my body hurt just because I threw up? Imagine a shot to the head. I tried to stand up but to no avail. I tried at least 3 times till I got up. I dragged my feet over to the bed and fell on it.

Gosh I'm so tired, and weak. Maybe if I just sleep some more. Yeah it wouldn't hurt.

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Yeah I know!! I'm horrible!!!

I'm truly sorry I didn't update in a month. I really am. But I've been busy, but now it's summer and I promise that I will update more often.

My goal to the next update:

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⏰ Last updated: Jun 24, 2013 ⏰

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