I’m going to start off by saying I was a very awkward pre-pubescent girl and boys frightened me a little bit. Actually it wasn’t so much that as I had no idea how to talk to them. My idea of flirting was staring at the guy in class until he looked up and noticed me, then quickly glancing away. The more the guy looked up, the more interested I assumed he was. Looking back, I realized he was probably just checking if that creepy girl was still staring at him. Yep that was me. And that pretty much sums up my entire middle school experience with boys. Coincidentally I actually talk to the boys I use to creep on, but the crushes are long gone. One of the boys I liked in 7th grade (I think?) is the only one from our school going to CSU with me next year. Wow I’m a senior when did that happen?
Well, it started with my first day of high school, way back when. So much has happened to that little girl who never swore and had never kissed a boy. As my senior year draws to an end I cant help but look back and ponder what has shaped me in high school. Sure my friends have changed a little and there have been significant life events but boys have played a major part too. Not in a bad way, I don’t regret anything I’ve done, but its crazy to think how much influence they had. Lets start with my freshman year…
This was definitely a transition year for me. I was still stuck in the awkward days of middle school and was adjusting to the new school environment. My only freshman year romance was a friend of mine from Rocky Mountain High School who was two years older. Unfortunately he was just as socially inept as me, if not more. So that one never really went anywhere. My cheerleader friends and I stalked him at basketball games. We played badminton. Confessed our undying love for each other. Just kidding, it was more like a badly worded message sent on Facebook because I couldn’t tell him in person. So we liked each other…and nothing more. We are still friends to this day but I’m now glad we never actually dated.
While this was happening I was also growing closer with a boy named Zach. We became really close the end of freshmen year and were best friends for about a year. This was the boy who persuaded me to run XC my sophomore year. I joined the Ultimate Frisbee team with him. I dropped teen camp to go to running camp with him. I joined debate because of him. I followed through with most of these hobbies through high school. I am a very avid runner now, when I hated it before. Even though we don’t talk anymore, thank you Zach. I’m getting ahead of myself. So this all went down over the summer for the most part. I was still oblivious to this boy’s affection for me (or maybe I was ignoring it I don’t remember). Then came Cody.
He was a cross-country runner in our grade, with physical qualities that would make any girl swoon. The boy was built like a god, not a cross-country runner. I was head over heels while still ignoring Zach the entire time. I finally got the guts to tell Cody I liked him, but alas he did not feel the same way apparently. Zach and I went to homecoming that fall, and I had a blast. I was so panicked at the end of the night I didn’t even give him a hug though. My after dance tendencies have changed a little bit (Jacob if you ever read this, you’ll understand). Anyway I asked Cody to Sadie’s even though he had just turned me down. It was still really fun and I built back a little hope that he may like me. When it seemed he was never going to return my feelings I gave up. At least I told myself that. I was feeling a little sad in the romance department so my heart finally started to open up to the boy who had been pining after it for so long. We were great as best friends, so I figured why couldn’t we be more? We eagerly jumped into a relationship before I was ready though. At first I was so excited to have a boyfriend I couldn’t focus on any of that though. He was my first kiss. I was his too. It was after a movie and we were sitting outside on a bench in front of a fountain. It was a brief-ish peck but it made my head spin. It wasn’t all that great, it was just the fact it was my first kiss that made me so happy. Finally I was no longer a loser. I was proud for waiting for a guy I was actually dating. That rule has since been compromised. Alas Zach and I were not meant to be. He became clingy, or maybe I just thought that because I didn’t like him as much as I thought and didn’t want to spend time with him. I made up excuses not to kiss him. I was “sick” for a good 3 weeks of our short-lived 2-½ month relationship. I broke up with him over text. We haven’t talked since. Sometimes I sit down and miss him. Not our relationship, but the best guy friend I’ve ever had.
