Snap out of it-b.w.s

Baggy sweatshirt and pants-1

Warning: contains sexual content and explicit language

May be triggering: self harm, metal disorders Ect...
----------------------------------------------

Some do drugs, others go for a run, but in the end we're all just searching for that tiny space, perhaps a hole, that gives us shelter from the terrible reality of the world.

Eyes Shut and music on fall blast. I sit on the end of the bed humming to the rhythm of arctic monkeys whilst holding my left arm. It was another unfortunate night where I turned to cutting to ease the pain of depression. Tears were bleeding out of my eyes continuously.

I've had depression for 2 years now. The year I was diagnosed was the worst year of my life. I was involved in a car accident, with my best friend. I wasn't badly hurt but I damaged my head and back. My best friend on the other hand got seriously injured. Her name was Cloud by the way. I visited her every night for 5 months straight whilst she was in a coma. The night she died, I metaphorically died too. It was like a massive piece of me was missing and no matter what I did, I couldn't change that. Now it's 2 years later and here I am, scarlet a huge fuck up. Let me tell you a bit about myself. I'm 17 years old, I live with my grandmother and baby brother near a beach and I think way, way too much for a human being.
I could spend hours just creating scenes in my head that I know will never happen just to amuse myself.
I daydream a lot at work, some days we don't get many customers so I'll spend my 4 hour shift just gazing hopelessly into space hoping a miracle will happen.

After 20 minutes or so of staying silent I decided it was time for me to wash to try and clear my mind. I drag myself into the bathroom where I take a long shower, wiping up the blood stains from my arms and wrists. During the process of washing, I mumble to the lyrics of catfish and the bottlemen 'cuckoon'.

"I remember when we swapped names and I thought maybe
you'd stay and try out-drink me
Your friends, all hated it.
But fuck it if they talk
Fuck if they try and get to us, cause I'd rather go blind, then let you down"

After my shower i get changed into my night wear, which consists of a baggy sweatshirt and pants. I then scrolled through tumblr on my Mac book liking and re blogging a couple of things before getting into my bed and attempting to fall asleep. After an hour or so of tossing and turning I come to the realisation that Im not going to get to sleep anytime soon so I decide to sit on the roof just outside my window and begin to daydream. Looking up at the stars, one stands out the most, it was bigger than the rest. It sparkled the most, it shone the most. I stared at it for ages. it felt like hours just being fascinated by a star.

----------------------------------------------

Hello everyone! this is pretty much my second story because  I deleted the other one. Bare in mind I'm 15 and can't write for shit, so please excuse mistakes like punctuation, spelling and not making sense Ect...! Please let me know what you think so I know what to improve on☺️  thank for reading even though it's only like 3 people reading this!