When enough is enough (#JustWriteIt #FreshStart)

Back to Square One

Isa

*2 weeks later*

I woke up this morning hoping for the same thing I've been hoping for...for him to come back to me. For him to say it was all just some 'big joke' that he was playing. But it wasn't. And just like the other 13 days that have passed, I woke up to an empty bed, and a empty home.

I tried to fight the tears that were threatening to spill over, with all my might, but to no avail.

This 14th day did nothing for me. I knew when I signed up for this, that my marriage wasn't going to be fairytale, nor a stroll in the park but I didn't imagine it to be like this!

Words can't describe how I feel. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm hurt. But more than anything I'm heartbroken. He could've told me how he was feeling...but he didn't. And for that I want to hate him with every single fiber in my body...but, truth be told, I can't.

I can't help the way I feel about him. I'm hopelessly in love with him! No matter the numerous times he cheated on me, I always took him back!

I loved him whole heartedly...I put my dreams on hold for his...I-I! I chocked on the tears that were streaming down my face. It was unfair. I did everything he wanted without hesitation, only to be thrown out like a dirty rag, afterwards.

"Calm down" I said to myself trying to regain control of my emotions. After calming myself down, I summoned enough strength to get myself together for yet another day without him.

I slowly crept out of the bed we used to share. Used to? I thought to myself. We were supposed to be forever.

Nevertheless, I rid my mind of those depressing thoughts as I walked into the bathroom.

As I stood looking in the mirror, my soulless reflection looked back at me. I hoped today I would see who I used to be. Someone that was happy! Someone whom was eager for life! Someone who used to claim that a man could never break her!

But instead, I was faced with this depressing version of myself.

"Why me?" I somewhat whispered, choking on the sobs that threatened to take over again. "Why?" I continuously asked. I was turning into an emotional reck! "C'mon Isa pull it together!" I said  wiping my tears.

After pulling myself together, I proceeded with my daily hygiene routine.

Today, I was going to soak every emotion I was feeling away...well...at least for the moment being...

I stopped up the the jetted tub and filled it with bubble bath, preparing for some much needed stress relief.

While the tub started to fill, I walked down what used to be our beloved staircase. One of our favorite details of the house. Memory after memory began to play in my head as I reminisced.

Every room had a different meaning...a different memory...and before I knew it I was crying again. Damnit!

I continued walking until I got to the door of our cellar. As I opened the door, I saw the liquor we used to keep, just incase we ran out during a party.

We used to be the life of the party. No one could get enough of us!

Keyword: used in the past...like its never going to happen again...

I felt my face starting to scrunch up, indicating I was about cry! Oh lord!Here comes the water works! But before they even got a chance to spill over I stopped them. "Self. You listen and listen good! No more crying! No more!" I whimpered. I've been crying nonstop and these headaches are no joke.