D for Depression

Chapetr 46: Ultraviolence

A/N: Drop a comment if you are alive and reading.

Please and thank you. 🫶

Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicide and death. This chapter is going to be a little heavy, so be prepared and feel free to message me for a summary if you would like to skip it.

He used to call me DN
That stood for deadly nightshade
'Cause I was filled with poison
But blessed with beauty and rage

-Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey

I always hated hospitals.

That metallic, almost suffocating smell. Something between rubbing alcohol, medicine and desperation. Clinging into the clothes like second skin, making it unbearable to get rid off.

I could still taste it on the back of my throat even though I haven't been inside one for more than five years.

Yet here I was, sitting inside Isaac's truck, battling with myself to swallow back the taste that was reemerging from my memories.

Bitter, poisonous, vile.

Exactly like the last time I was here.

''Daphne!'' Zoey's voice startles me, causing me to break away from my thoughts.

''What sorry.''

''I said, are you coming inside?''

My eyes trace over her figure standing outside the car, holding Mikaela's jacket and bag. Her hair is up in a bun, makeup smudged around the corners of her eyes due to the crying, her skin drained of any colour.

She looks nothing like the girl of the night she was a few hours ago and her image reflects on the reality check we all had tonight.

''Yeah-sorry I will. Just give me a minute.'' I mumble earning a small nod from her.

We both know this is the last place I want to be right now, but it's also the only place I could be.

Because I would do anything for the people I care about. Even if that meant reliving one of the most horrific experiences of my life.

Zoey nods at my response, balancing the items in her hands, meaning to follow Mikaela inside, but not before she bends over my window to catch Isaac's gaze from beside me.

''Thank you'' She says sincerely, earning a nod from him. ''I am going to find out where Mick went. She is probably in the E.R. See you there okay?''

''Yeah.'' I mumble watching her leave reluctantly.

She walks ahead with small steps, stopping outside the sliding doors. Fixing her posture, she pushes back her shoulders indicating that she prepares herself for what she is about to see. And because she is one of the strongest people I know, she sucks it in and moves inside with confidence, the type of confidence I know it's a lie, but also necessary in the situation we are in.

The one I am not sure I can fake.

And for some reason I find myself wishing I have never gone out tonight. If I had stayed home I could be in Jackson's arms now, cuddling and talking with him.

Only in reality I wouldn't. Because Jackson was once again off doing God's knows what, his messages and calls on my phone still unanswered, making me feel even lonelier than before.

''Not that I am not enjoying watching you dig a hole in my seat, but are you planning on going inside at any point or we just stay parked here for no reason?''