Forgive me

Too Early

The sun poured into my bedroom window. I rolled over and patted the bed with my eyes closed and searched for my cat. I opened one eye to see the other side of the bed was empty. I had a terrible habit of sleeping on only one side of the bed. Part of me still hoped that one day I'll wake up and L would be in that spot and everything was just a bad dream....I'm still awaiting that day.

I lazily kick the blanket off and placed my feet on the cold wooden floor of my cute little two story house. I moved out of Tokyo like I promised. I haven't seen Matsuda since the funeral. He calls once in a while but he said that before L died, L told him not to call in order for me to be safe and hidden from light...a.k.a Kira. The person that destroyed me.

I shuffled my feet against the floor and made my way to the bathroom that's in my bedroom. "Crow?" I call for my cat. "Crow, come here kitty, kitty." I call again. I couldn't hear anything, so figured he wasn't coming. I sighed and leaned against the bathroom sink. It's been a whole year since that tragic day. A whole year of having my heart break EVERY day. A whole year of walking down my stairs and not seeing L there waiting for me. I had nobody since I've moved away. I call Naomi once in a while. She's getting married. Not to her ex though...they broke up again. She met this new boy at the old library I used to work at, strange huh?

I had bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. I wanted to punch the mirror because it reminded me of him. Everything did. Instead I pulled away from the mirror and walked out of the bathroom closing the door behind me. I walked into the hallway and pulled my hair from the messy bun it was in. I shook out my hair and continued walking towards the stair well. I walked into my kitchen and started heating some water for hot tea. To be honest, half the time I didn't even want hot tea. But I still drank it and pretended L was here with me. As the water simmered I looked at the 'to do' list on the fridge.

To Do
•clean house

•return book

•go to grocery story

I walked away from the fridge and got a mug from the cupboard. "Crow, kitty, kitty, come here. Breakfast!" I called again. I awaited my cute black cat but there was no show. I furrowed my eyebrows. I poured myself tea as I tried again. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." I called.  I took a sip of tea as I had this puzzled look on my face. "Oh shit!" I thought as I thought about how I couldn't remember letting crow back inside. I quickly made my way to my front door and pulled it open.

My mug of hot tea shattered to the floor. I didn't even care that the hot tea was burning my bare feet. I held an emotionless expression. There stood the raven haired boy with those big curious eyes. He still wore a white long sleeve and baggy blue jeans and by the dark circles under his eyes, he still hasn't got much sleep. Actually...they looked darker. We just starred blankly at each other as he held crow in his arms. Crow meowed and jumped out of his arms and back in the house. Right now I didn't even know what to say, where to began. So many thoughts were running through my mind right now.
All I knew was that it was too early for this.

"....L?" I asked even though it was clearly him. "Y/n." He showed a very small smile. He stepped forward hesitantly and I quickly closed the door. I rested my back against the wood. My heart was pounding and I felt the lump in my throat. I heard a soft knock on the door. "Y/n...lets talk." He said. "T-there's nothing to t-talk about." I sniffed. I knew I was crying now and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. "You're actions say otherwise...." He trailed off. I hated when he was right. I slowly cracked open the door and looked at him. "Perhaps it'd be best if I can in." He said calmly. That voice. His voice I missed so much. "Perhaps it's best you just start talking." I spat. I had every right to be mad. From the looks of it he obviously faked his death. So why did he show up a year later. Why didn't he tell me his plans. He left me to suffer for a whole fucking year. I thought he loved me. He's eyes widened a bit. "I'm sorry." He began. I just starred at him. "I found your house on the collar of the cat and..." He cleared his throat. "You look beautiful." He changed subject. I didn't move. "Y/n...please let me in." He begged. "No." I said and closed the door again. I felt a panic attack coming on but I pushed myself forward to walk into the kitchen. I grabbed a broom and a towel to clean my mess. "Y/n, please." He begged still outside from the porch. I tried my best to ignore him. It was killing me. You have no idea how bad I wanted to run and jump in his arms and just be with him but I was to angry with him. He tried again by softly knocking on the door and I just walked away to throw my broken cup in the trash. The knocking stopped and I couldn't hear his voice any more. I quickly walked to the door but stopped before I opened it and crossed my arms. "L?" I called gently. It was quiet for a moment before he spoke. "Yes?" He called. I sighed. "Nothing." I called back and walked away from the door. I walked into the living room. I heard crow meowing at the door. I looked over at him from the couch. "Crow, get away from the door." I scolded. I could see out the window onto the front porch where L crouched on the first step. Seeing him made over a thousand memories flood my mind. I quickly turned away from the window. I went upstairs to get dress and start on my to do list.