Forgive me

So many things

"L! I'm home!" I shout coming through the door, crow meowing at me. "Hello crow." I smile down at the black elegant creature. "L?" I say a little more cautiously considering I was expecting a giant hug and a remark of somewhat like "finally." Or "its about time." But to my surprise only one lamp was on in the living room and it was empty of L. I passed by the kitchen and saw all lights off too. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs peering up. "Where are you?" I called out but there was no answer. I climbed the stairs and a quick pace but not running, reaching the top I stopped for a minute and gazed down the short hallway. I walked towards my room and pushed open the door. "L what are you-?" I immediately cut myself off realizing he was asleep. He was hugging a pillow wrapped in a small ball similar to how he sits. He's hair was hung down in his closed sleeping eyes and he snored very very lightly. I smiled for a short second but it feel as my whole body grew stiff. "H-he's fine...everything is okay...he's s-sleeping." I began to panic as quick short flashbacks began to play through my head like a projector on a wall. I quietly crept up to him, removing my shoes by the door not making any more noise. I peered over at him as his body moved with deep heavy breathing, I'm surprised he wasn't snoring. I went to the other side of the bed and while taking off my earrings and placing them on the table and pulling out pajamas. Trying so hard not to make any noise. I rounded the corner on the way to the bathroom stubbing my toe and bit my bottom lip as to not let out a scream. Hopping on one leg I bumped into the dresser making it shake and knock down my perfumes. I grabbed everything to get it to stop before look over at L, holding my breath. Surprisingly he was still asleep. "That definitely would've woken him up." I think to myself confused. I shake it off a bit heading to the bathroom with my eyes still on him careful not to throw over anything else. All the way questioning how he didn't wake up.

I hope the bathroom door after changing and she he's switched sleeping positions. He's turned to look at the empty side of the bed and moved more to "his" side of the bed as if to leave room for me. I glare at his back facing me and bit back a smile. "He's literally pretending to be asleep." I think to myself. I go to the other side of the bed and gently crawl in and L doesn't move a muscle or break. I get further on the bed now sitting on my knees as my legs are tucked under me and come right up to him. "I know you're awake." I say kind of laughing softly. He doesn't respond. "Come on don't pretend, we're not little kids." I gently nudge his shoulder and to no avail. I sigh and roll my eyes. "I had a good time with Naomi. It's been so long since I've seen her." I say meekly playing with my hands in my lap. It was quiet for a minute and part of me was beginning to think he was actually asleep...until he answered. "That's good, I'm glad." He says with his eyes still closed. I threw my head back and laughed. "Why are you like this?" I scoot down the bed and get ready to lay down. "Hm? How so?" He answers still with his eyes closed and helping me get under the blankets. "Just open your eyes!" I ignore is question. He's quick for a minute before a small smile pulls on his expression. "But then that means I'd be awake." He replies. I sigh with an amused smile. "See! Like this! Why are you like this?" I laugh as he continues to tuck me in all the while eyes closed. That was always L, somehow the most stoic, monotone, dry humor, intimating man...but at the same time a playful, bad jokes, silly pranks and soft child. A very good yet unexpected mix. "Would you like the light off?" He asks ignoring me. "First of all who agreed to sharing this bed?" I teased...not like I was going to kick him out anyways. "You did, when you decided not to wake up me when you saw I was here." He stated and now I was hoping his eyes stayed close because now I was blushing. "Also...you were four hours and 23 seconds late. We agreed three hours and a kiss...I'm not counting but if I was I'd say I scored a kiss and a comfortable slumber." He now laughed. "Oh be quiet!" I chuckle back. "Now...would you like the light off?" He repeated and I sighed. "Yeah I'll get it...you know, since you're asleep." I said getting ready to get up but he stopped me. "Allow me." He said getting up still with his eyes closed and switching off the light making his way back to the bed. L definitely knows how to make me laugh. "Sometimes you're too much." I say amused as he gets comfortable again. "I think...you're just enough. The perfect amount if you will." He slings his arm over me as he's laying on his side and I'm on my back. I stay quiet with a dumb smile plastered to my face. "I hope you know Y/n...I don't really want you to not go anywhere. I want you to have friends and do fun things....I just don't want something bad to happen to you. I know it hurt when you thought you lost me...but if I were to lose you there is not doubt in my mind holding be back from the enviable thought that I...would surely die without you. I don't think I'd ever be as strong as you if I ever lost you." He says getting quitter. I hold his arm that's around me now. "You're going to lose me...I'm right here, okay?" I say softly knowing this justice been a thought he's been thinking about but finally voiced it out loud. It does make sense. All the following around and always checking on me. "And for that...I can seem to properly find the words to construct an apology that would reach deep enough to heal the pain I caused you." His voice cracks. "L...I forgive you." I say immediately still trying to comfort him. "We were going to get married...I proposed to you and we didn't even have the chance-...." I cut him off. "You did it to protect me and even if I didn't understand then...I do now and you're here and so am I and we're together and that's all that matters." I say as he stays quiet to collect himself. "I'm right here, everything's okay." I say moving closer to him. He stayed quiet from there but just held me closer. I really missed this. I felt like there wasn't a safer place in the world than when I fell asleep next to him. Granted he would hardly sleep, dedicating all his time and energy and almost obsessing about a case but...that's what made him so great. I stayed awake for a few minutes longer just taking in this moment, his touch, his scent...him. I really felt like things were falling back into a perfect place.