Rainbow-Colored Knee Socks

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

We were all put in the Sunroom together with three doctors. Once we were all seated, one of them stood up and introduced herself. "Hello. I see we have a couple of new faces here so why don't we go around and introduce ourselves. I'll start, I'm Dr. Jen and I'm one of the psychologists on unit." Once everyone had introduced himself or herself, the doctor sitting closest to me, Dr. Margaret, spoke.

"Okay so I'd like to welcome you to skills group today on this fine Friday. Who knows what we cover on Fridays?" A small girl named Lily raised her hand.

"Mindfulness," she muttered, her face sullen and looking like she was about to cry.

"Yes, exactly. Now, can someone else tell me what mindfulness is?" A tall girl named Jenna raised her hand; she too was quiet. She was wearing a cute pair of Betty Boop sweatpants.

"Uhm, mindfulness is the strength to be aware of what you are thinking and feeling. It goes along with the states of mind."

"Yes, precisely. So if you haven't noticed, there are some containers of bubbles on the table in front of you. What I would like each of you to do is to take a container and blow some bubbles." I picked the purple container, naturally since it's my favorite color. At first, I thought the whole thing was kind of stupid. But after a while, I started to feel relaxed.

"What are you noticing about the way you're feeling as you blow bubbles?" A heavyset girl named McKayla spoke up.

"Well, its very calming and I started to imagine all the bubbles as being things that people have said to me that may have hurt my feelings and I watched them float away and pop."

"Well, you sound like you've done this before, because that's what I was going to ask you to do next. Those of you that haven't done this, give it a try."

I started picturing my dad trapped inside the bubbles as they floated away from me. It gave me great joy to watch my dad disappear along with the bubbles. I really wished that it would happen, that he would just disappear into thin air. But I knew it wasn't that simple.

Just then, Dr. Margaret spoke up again. "Good, now, would anyone like to share how they are feeling right now?" I figured there was no harm in sharing so I raised my hand.

"Uhm, I feel kind of relaxed while I'm doing this. I feel less attached to the world around me and freer to be me."

"Good, anyone else like to share? No? Well, it's only ten fifty so, why don't we go around and check in. Laura, why don't you start?"

I was kind of nervous because I'd never "checked in" before and I didn't know what I was supposed to say. "Uhm, well, I got here yesterday afternoon after being in the hospital. I had cut myself with a knife after having a nightmare. Today, I'm a little tired and just glad to be getting some help." I felt everyone's eyes boring into my skull. Inside, I knew they didn't care. Inside, I knew they just wanted to get outside, away from this prison.

Nobody else really spoke much after. Some kids said how they were feeling and others just sat there. I couldn't help but notice Audrey staring at me from the other side of the table, like she was thinking about saying something, but not knowing whether she should. Pretty soon after, it was eleven twenty, time for lunch.

The kids that were allowed off-unit lined up and got ready to go down to the cafeteria, while the rest of us had to stay in the Sun Room. Audrey and I grabbed a table next to the big window in the corner of the small room. Lunch today was Spaghetti and Meatballs. As the staff passed out plates filled with pasta, I couldn't help but daydream.

"Mommy, over here!" six year old Madelyn called over to me. We were shopping for new ballet slippers and a pink tutu at The Dancer's Edge in Taunton.

"Yes, did you find something you like?" When I finally reached her at the other side of the small store, she was gripping a pink, flowered tutu in her arms.

"Looky, it's pink Mommy! Can I try it on, pretty please?" She was so excited that she was jumping up and down, her pink jumper bouncing up with her, her dirty blonde hair flowing behind her.

"Sure, why not. Let's go ask the nice lady to direct us to a dressing room." I then took her delicate hand and started to lead the way. We passed rows and rows of pink leotards and purple tights. When we got to the dressing room, finally, Madelyn wriggled out of my grip to try on the tutu in the stall. She wanted to be a "big girl." Suddenly, I heard her ear-piercing screams. "Madelyn, what's wrong! Where are you, what's going on?"

When I found her, she was laying face-down on the tiled floor, drowned in her own puddle of blood. The assailant, my father (also her father,) was in the corner, cleaning off a switchblade. I couldn't hear my own cries of distress over the loud sounds of his chuckling.

"Laura... Laura? Are you in there? Hello?" I awoke suddenly to the sight and sound of fingers snapping in my face. It was Audrey. She was staring at me with a look of discontent.

"What, oh! Uhm, I was just... sorry, day dreaming." I looked down at my plate, still full. I looked around the room; everyone had gotten up and left. Audrey and I were the last ones in the Sun Room.