Burning Desire

Chapter Nine

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My hand healed quicker than expected, and the doctor gave me permission to return to the saddle a few weeks after the fall, albeit with strict instructions to 'take it easy'. I decided not to inform her that I'd been on the lunge several times since the fall; the injury had healed perfectly fine anyway, so she needn't know about my act of rebellion.

Nearly two months had passed since the more fatal accident at Southern Pines Horse Trials, and Harry was back to his usual, charming self. The vet announced that he was fit to come off box rest and we padded him up with protective boots before letting him loose in a paddock, on the off chance that he would go insane when encountered with open space and freedom. He spent a limited amount of time in the horse walker to maintain his fitness, and it was only a week later that the vet gave us permission to slowly bring him back into light ridden work, although competing was now forbidden.

Harry shuffled about impatiently with anticipation as I slipped the numnah and saddle over his back, revelling in the feel of the smooth, supple leather beneath my fingers. The gelding had put on weight during the time he'd been imprisoned in his stable, and I had to fasten the girth a few holes looser than usual. He nudged my arm as I slid the bridle over his head and I giggled at his cheeky antics, sneaking him a polo which he snuffled up gratefully.

Mostly, I was happy that my most treasured horse was beginning to regain some of his former charm and condition. But my stomach was alight with embers of guilt and pain and frustration that reignited at the thought of the accident. I still blamed myself for causing the gelding pain. Shards of my broken dreams were still embedded in the lining of my heart.

Avery smiled as I led the gelding towards a mounting block, and I returned the gesture grimly. Harry side-stepped in anticipation, tossing his head at the excitement of being back out after so long. I mustered a small chuckle.

"Steady, boy," I soothed. "I know you're fresh but I don't particularly fancy being thrown off and injuring my hand again."

Avery stretched the gelding's legs out before reaching up a hand to stroke Harry's neck. It had lost some of the former muscle; his once gleaming coat appeared dull. I frowned, the cinders of guilt flickering in my stomach.

"Are you alright, Madi?" Avery asked softly.

I shrugged, fiddling with the stirrup leathers even though they were already adjusted to my height.

"I know this must be hard for you," she sympathised.

"I just...it hurts to think that if I hadn't been so careless, none of this would've happened. We wouldn't be in this position."

"No, Madison," she said firmly. "You can't blame yourself. It was an accident, it could've happened to anyone. Accidents happen and tragedy strikes the people who don't deserve it the most. If I could take away the pain or change what happened, I would. But all we can do now is accept that what happened is in the past and try to move forward. Harry will get better, so don't worry about that. You will find a horse and you will compete at Kentucky and it will be even more special because you've had to fight to get there. I have faith in that, in you."

I met her gaze and her warm brown eyes were blazed with defiant fire. Her words drowned my fears and guilt, burying some of my deepest and darkest shames. She was right, although it wasn't easy to accept. I felt a sudden rush of overwhelming appreciation for my best friend.

"Thank you, Ave," I smiled weakly. "That means so much-"

"It's alright," she cut me off before I could fully express my gratitude. She waved a hand vaguely and offered me a sparkling beam. "Now get on that horse before he implodes with excitement."