Clipped Wings and Drained Hope

Why? the terrible question

Hey there a girl smiled at me god every girl I had dated acted just like her....they pitied the boy who sat by himself.....I quickly pulled down my sleeve and nodded at her. May I sit down? She asked. I guess I slid as close to the wall as possible and she sat beside me and flirted silently until the bus stopped at her stop. I breathed a sigh of relief and walked into my friends "house". Hey man! He clapped my back and led me to the bong room where four other guys higher than kites sat. I shook my head and grabbed a razor and a bong. I needed this dude, my mom found my stash last week she almost wouldn't let me come.....I took a hit and laid back. My friend blew smoke and laughed that one girl last week I was with......yeah? I banged her hard then left her in the hotel......but only after I left her stuff in the middle of a busy street! She was there for hours cry begging me to get it.....he laughed and I laugh and we stayed there until the high was over.......I layed looking out
At the night I grabbed the blade and made a small cut on my arm the twentieth....each cut represented everyone that left me......well guess I go fake this too.....I got ready to go home to the abusive slum I have for a dad.....to the drunk mom and the broken home.... I walked in and was knocked on the floor by my father. Where the fuck were you? The library I stood up and went to my room and hid. Why the hell would a dumb as like you go there? He spit at me. Because of a group project I numbly answer....okay you stupid boy.....he stomped off and I laid down and stared into the abyss. (Sorry I did warn about triggers and kinda short) this is going to be written off of my mind and experiences