A Tribute For Tia

Chapter 7

I had always –secretly, of course- loved my little sister, admired her. She had always been strong, a constant presence in my otherwise ever-changing world. The age difference of four years did not affect our friendship, although when she was older she was less eager to share things with me- but I had always blamed it on the different genders. Teenage girls were not known to share things with their seventeen year old brothers, no matter how close they may be with each other. I figured this out the hard way.

It wasn't as much as a shock, more a small surprise and then complete terror when I found her. She had been so careful, so... safe. Once, I searched her name into the internet; her name meant 'goddess', which I thought was perfect. My sister had always been a happy child, but when our parents decided that it was for the best to leave her in my care for at least fourteen hours a day, she became distant.

The day I found her started like any other, as cheesy as that sounds. It was cold, wet; typical July weather. I woke up, deciding again not to arrive at school that morning. I heard my mother and father leaving, zooming away again in their expensive cars. After what felt like an hour, I lazily got out of bed and shuffled down the hall, bypassing Tia's room without looking in to see if she was going to school. As her elder brother, it was a good idea to look in, but I knew she had locked it and therefore didn't bother checking. I listened out for her while I was pouring cornflakes into a bowl, and still when I sat down at the table to eat it. There was the paper lying on the table and I contemplated reading it, but the headline was something about a celebrity that I'd never heard of; so I pulled a sheet off and began folding, taking a break every forty seconds or so to shovel a spoonful of cereal in my mouth. The paper plane took form in front of me within minutes, and I couldn't help myself but throw it at the TV set. It flew over the screen and fell behind it, but I could not be bothered going to fetch it.

"Hey, Bra?" I yelled out through a mouthful of cornflakes. It wasn't attractive, I knew that. "Would you get up already? I won't make you any breakfast if you're not up in five minutes!"

No reply.

"Tia!" I cried out again. "Hello? Anyone there?" I expected an answer that time, but silence greeted me.

I groaned and stood, placing my bowl on the sink to wash later. Sucking in a breath, I stepped into the hallway and pushed on my sister's door, expecting it to be locked.

It wasn't.

I fell through it, tripping over the ledge before straightening up and hoping that she didn't see me. Tia wasn't in her bed, and looking around, I couldn't see her anywhere else. Her diary was lying abandoned on her freshly made bed, spotless except for the sheet of paper that was sitting next to it. I didn't read it because I knew it would give her an excuse to be angry at me, and continued looking for her. I called out her name a few times, but she never replied; I looked out the window, but it hadn't been unlocked so I knew she didn't sneak out. As I turned to leave, I saw out from the corner of my eye that the wardrobe door was slightly ajar, so I stepped over and went to close it- but the flash of something catching the light stopped me in my tracks. It looked like Tia's watch, so I wondered if she was hiding in there, which was a childish habit she still hadn't broken. I pulled it open to catch her, but it was her that caught me.

By surprise.

I didn't expect her to kill herself. I stood there frozen for a few seconds before I screamed, then frantically tried to pull her down. Once I had untied her and pulled her down as gently as I could, I cradled her in my arms and whispered her name softly, willing her to wake up. I had no idea how long she had been there, how long she had been alone.

"I should've known... Tia, please, wake up." I shook her carefully, but not even a breath came from her parted lips. The sobbing came seconds later, tears hitting her cold cheeks repeatedly, slipping down onto the ground. I knew I would have to call our mother, our father; but I wasn't quite ready to have that conversation, so I cradled my baby sister's hard body in my arms for a while, singing her songs that I knew she had loved. Even though I knew it was impossible, I half expected her to wake up, spluttering, maybe clutch me close to her while she choked as she tried to get the air she needed; but when minutes turned into hours, I knew she was gone. I knew it was early and that our parents had only left a few hours before, but I had to alert them of what had happened, so –while still holding her tightly- I stood, carrying Tia with me to the breakfast table where I had left my mobile phone. My parents' numbers were on speed dial.

"Hello, Alistair." My mother's voice was even, and I praised her for her ignorance. "What's wrong? You haven't burned the house down, have you?"

"No, something worse than that." I said, my voice not shaking even a little- how the hell?

"Like what? Son, what's going on?"

"It's... it's about Tia."

"She sneak out again? Just tell her she can't have any more food for the day or something. I don't know, you deal with it."

"No, mum... you don't understand-"

"Goodbye, Alistair."

"She's dead!" I cried out, tears choking my voice. "Tia killed herself!"

"She's... she's dead?" my mother gasped, and I could envision her covering her mouth with one of her perfectly manicured hands. "No, you can't be serious. She's only thirteen. She's... check again. I... no, Alistair. I don't believe you."

"Well you better, because I'm standing her right now looking at her dead body! You need to get here, right now."

"Yes... yes, of course. I'll be home in a few minutes, Alistair." She whispered.

"Hurry up." I whispered, and then hung up on her before she could reply. I wasn't sure what to do, now that my mother knew. I thought about calling the paramedics, but I knew it was too late. My little sister was lying before me, her small, fragile body limp and unresponsive. Her face was pale but it was still her face, her eyes closed tight like she was asleep. I found myself thinking about how nice it would be to have the sweet release of death, but when my mother burst through the door a few minutes later, makeup running down her cheeks in steady streams, I knew I couldn't leave. I was all my parents had left.

"Alistair, are you even paying attention to me?" my mother's voice broke through my thoughts, so I looked over at her. She was kneeling by her only daughter's side, not touching her, being very careful not to come into contact with her; as if she had some infectious disease that was highly contagious. My heart swelled up in my chest with a bout of anger; I reached down and scooped Tia's body in my arms, standing tall to meet my mother's sharp eyes.

"Put her down."

"Why won't you touch her?" I asked softly- not mad, just curious. "She's your daughter. Why won't you hold her? You need to be there for her, just once in her life. I want her to know the touch of her mother."

"She knows... she knows I love her."

"You certainly don't show it!" I finally snapped when she reached up and cupped my face, not the little girl I had cradled in my arms. I reeled back, watching as my mother's face fell.

"How dare you!" I cried. "Call an ambulance or something, mother. She needs... Tia needs to be out of this house, and soon."

"I don't want her to leave." She whimpered in reply.

"You should have thought about that before you left this morning without saying goodbye to her, without checking up on her. She deserved at least to be found by her mother, not her elder brother in the middle of the day. I don't know how long she was there. She could've been there for a day, and you wouldn't have noticed."

"Put her down somewhere, Alistair." Her voice became even as I placed my sister down on the couch, not caring what she thought. I was reluctant to leave her side, understanding that she would want somebody who actually loved her by her side, but when I looked down again at her body, so small and helpless on the cushions, my composure snapped and I felt the tears erupting, so I stormed away and into my room, making sure to lock the door before shoving a chair under the handle. My bed suddenly looked very inviting, so I sat down on the edge and hung my head in my hands, feeling the hot tears run down and not caring. The door rattled behind me but I didn't say anything, just flopped down backwards into the sheets and let the tears flow at their own accord.