Broken glass

Sunrise burns

the sunrise wakes me up. I'm sick of being me. a quick run to the shops will sort that out. after half an hour waiting for the dye to work I rinse out what is left and dry my hair. a change gives me another breath of air. getting my hair the way I like is no problem. straight white hair puffed up just enough to make my layers visible my side fringe placed into a position that will be acceptable in society.  racoon eye and crimson lips stand out on my pale skin. I try not to smile, I hate my teeth. I am teased for them looking like fangs. hopefully no-one will remember me. I'm not the fragile little girl anymore, she died a long time ago along with all light inside of me. the phone rings. it never rings. not once. anxiety. I hate answering phones, the thought of talking to someone who could possibly be your saviour or your end fills me with dread. my trembling hand answers the screaming metal box. my mind screams at me no but I have to. "hello?" my voice is shaky I haven't spoken to anyone properly in years. " Esme , it's Danny. I heard you where in town" unexpected. why would he call. "um yeah.." please end this "well I know it's sudden but me and my roommate just got kicked out... and I  was... I was wondering if we could stay with you.?" BOLLOCKS. I'm not a social person , I can't say no "umm sure... when do you move" jesus I really dislike this. " tonight... sorry" "it's okay... you know where the house is" I hang up. no more please. I can't take anymore. the blade calls. no I will not cave in. I can't not here, not now.

school is just a feeding ground for the shallow minded. within two minutes the vampire comments fire up again. I really wish I never left London. classes insures complete torture. lunch break. I sit alone. keeping up tradition.  I feel eyes burning into my soul, what's left of it anyway. don't turn around.

--home--

waiting. when they say curiosity killed the cat, I know exactly what they are on about. the car pulls up outside my house. my attempts to stop shaking fail horribly. deep breaths. no emotion, no pain. I open the door to two tall guys. fucking hell.  "Esme?" a tall skinny boy asks. I remember him. slightly. " come in " I open the door further "no hello then" the other one jokes. " the room at the end of the corridor is mine... pick any other"  my tone is so cold I worry myself "esme are you okay?" danny yells but I continue to walk.  the footsteps follow me upstairs but my door provides a perfect barrio between me and them. "open up" Danny whines . headphones block out the world nicely.

around 1am I wake up and climb out of bed something is playing downstairs. acoustic guitar. the sound is so soft but with such meaning. my silent steps move slowly down the stairs. the other boy is sitting there. beer bottles on the table, empty. he move his black flippy hair from his eyes and continues to play. the stone stairs make a cold seat but I don't care, this show is worth it. after ten minutes he just stops short. " are you just going to sit there or will you come sit with me?" he looks directly at me.my eyes widen. no one has ever asked me to sit next to them. he looks like he is waiting. I shift silently towards him. I would tell myself don't be awkward, but that is impossible. he puts his guitar back in it's case. he leans forward. elbows on his knees. he turns his head. "so you're esme?" his voice is low ,smooth. " quiet one aren't you" he moves his head away to look out the window. I can't seem to shake the wide eye look. " I'm Tom" he turns back to me and holds out a hand for me to shake . I shake it softly. " you feel  freezing... aren't you cold" I shake my head. " well if you don't mind I need another drink... and since you don't talk I don't think you have any objections" he turns to walk into the kitchen, he mannerisms tell me he's not quite okay, desperate comes to mind lonely? cold? sad. " why are you sad" my voice makes me sound like a kitten weak and fragile I turn around to see him walk away not thinking that he heard me. but he is just standing in the doorway to the kitchen.  he turns to me, but he has changed. his face no longer sweet and kind but cold and unforgiving " what did you ask" his tone is harsh and the depth of his voice doesn't help. "ANSWER ME" he yells. frozen in my place, I fear what he has become. he takes steps towards me. before I know it I'm running with him  running after me. making it into my room with enough time to lock the door . voices yell at each other. " what the hell man" "WHAT!" "YOU CANT YELL AT HER LIKE THAT" "WHY NOT SHE'S JUST A GIRL " " you don't know shit bro" they continue but I tune out yelling worries me, reminds me of my past. the memories haven't faded. my window, I rush to it and open it . and climb out to the only place that has ever brought me any comfort. the forest outside my house. I run until I hear the door in my room fly off its hinges onto the floor, then I run faster, faster then I've ever run before. I stop at a lake. peaceful. the still water calls to me. I walk into the lake. I lie underwater my body screaming at me, I need air but I don't want air. the blackness seeps in.

something strong pulls me out of the freezing water. I black out.