Monster

Disclaimer: Don’t own Death Note, probably never will

Author’s note: Don’t know what came over me. I just felt the need to write it I guess

Point of view: Mello

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“Mello! Is that really you?!” I heard a familiar voice call out to me. Shit. I’d been caught. Was all I could think.

I ducked my head and turned to run away. There was once a time where I would have run straight up to the red headed man calling my name, but not now. Not anymore. Not looking like this…

As I ran I thought. I couldn’t help feeling bad for leaving him like I did back then. Especially with such little notice, no matter how much I had tried to contact him soon after I left – just to make sure he was still alive and kicking – there was no escaping the truth that I’d left him with only a kiss goodbye. No note, no explanations.

I sighed and stopped running. There was no point, if he’d managed to track me down this far then he’d only be able to find me again at a later time. I turned back to where I knew he would be standing, my face still half hidden behind my hood.

“Yes, it’s me…Matt.” I finally replied, still not looking at him. Looking at him would only bring forth memories of times I can’t remember. I was supposed to be one of the big bosses of the American Mafia, I couldn’t afford to be weak.

I could hear the sound of footsteps slowly, almost hesitantly towards me. I took in a deep breath and prepared for the worst. With my new scar, there was no way he’d be able to think of me as anything but the monster I am.

He was right in front of me now, I could hear his unsteady breathing. It was so close to me…so close… Yet I felt as if I were unworthy of him, although I had never done anything to intentionally hurt him there will always be that one time I left. One time is enough to screw someone up for life.

“Mello. Look at me.” He said, placing a hand underneath my chin however I refused to move. I couldn’t… “Please Mello!” He said again, this time trying to force my face up. I tried to keep my head where it was. Away from any danger, yet I couldn’t refuse him.

I looked up at him, into his goggled eyes. I could feel mine start to water as a look first of recognition then of slight horror before what I’d feared worst of all. Love.

Rejection I could deal with, however I couldn’t accept his love. Not after all the things I did to him and the others… Not with all the people I’d stepped on to get where I was today. I wished he’d reject me the way so many others did. Why did he have to look at me like this?!

I couldn’t bare it. The tears started overflowing, silently but noticeably. I heard a sigh of relief before feeling myself being pulled in for a hug. I tried to stop the tears yet they kept falling. Why I had no idea, I just knew that I wouldn’t be able to stop them any time soon.

“Shhh it’s okay.” I heard Matt whisper into my ear as he hugged me closer and started rubbing my back. I couldn’t help but hug him back just as tightly. “It’s okay.” He repeated over and over again.

“No…It’s not.” I managed eventually. “Nothing’s okay.” I said and pushed him off of me.

“What do you mean?” Matt asked, his tone only held curiosity. As if he hadn’t been able to see the thing that marks me as the being I am.

“I’m a monster. How is that okay?!” I asked, wiping furiously at my eyes, hoping to stop the useless tears.

“I don’t care! I know what you’ve been up to these past four years and I’m okay with that!” He replied, stepping slowly towards me with his arms up in surrender.

“How can you be okay with that?! I’ve gone against everything we’ve been brought up with! I-” I started but was cut off by the feeling of Matt’s lips against my own.

His kiss was full of all the emotions he wouldn’t have been able to say himself otherwise. As he was kissing me, I felt his hand in the back of my hair and my hood falling off – however this time I didn’t care.

As he broke the kiss I couldn’t help the tingly sensation taking over my lips and everywhere else he had touched me. Our foreheads were still touching and his hand was still in my hair.

“It’s okay because you’re Mello and that’s all I need.”