i remember feeling asphyxiated in my own mind when i thought of him. he shoved himself against my skull and made me feel as though it could work. he snuck himself into my mind and replaced my sadness with him. he soon became what i loved and hated the most.
he crawled across my skin and kissed away my clearest intentions. he took my eyes and blinded me with his smile. he took my heart and made it beat twice --- once for my old heart to revive and say hello, and twice for the death of that revived heart.
after a while my head controlled my heart and i though with the wrong organ and it blinded my true vision. he was no longer my happiness but my last cling to hope. it was as if he was an inspiring artist and i was his visionary. in the end the artwork ended up being deep scratches of lonely conversions i seemed to have with myself.
why do i love him?
why can't i feel the same with anyone else?
why?
constant questions that would never be answered because he wouldn't answer them. he didn't have to. i already knew the answer to every one of those questions, and it was the same answer to each --- i let myself fall for him and now i was in a doorless white room scribbling his name on the walls. i had gone insane and i knew i had to find a way out. in the fuss of the doorless white room, i drew myself a window and jumped out of it only to fall back into his arms and back into the familiar white room. i tried again but with a door this time.
if he won't give me a door, i'll make one.
but every time i opened the door, i was met by those eyes.
those eyes
that face
that smile
him.
no. i mustn't. i can't. i shoved past him in the door way and almost got away when he grabbed my hand and pulled me back. he held me and said the phrase he always did, but no amount of i love you's could blind me any longer. i felt confident and ready to flee, but this time instead of just those simple words, he lifted my chin and kissed me away into a new room, kissed me into a new dimension, onto a new planet and into the heart of its molten core. that was the day my heart beat for the third time. and it not only said hello once again, but it decided to stay after the fourth and fifth.
song to go along with this piece:
first day of my life by bright eyes
