transgender // m.c

one

almost.

Almost is probably one if the saddest words ever created.

Think about it, using almost in a phrase ruins the phrase itself.

It makes no sense, to have such a depressing word in our dictionary. 

Do we really need a word to show us how close we were to achieving something?

A word to show us that whatever we longed for, was just too unobtainable to get.

Some days, I wonder how normal people see things. Even small things, like words and phrases. Do they think about hidden meanings behind everything? Or do they just relax because they know it's not worth their time?

It's just one of those days.

7:03

It's too early for these kind of thoughts.

I don't have a car so I walk. I like walking.

Checking my phone again, I see 7:06 at the top of the screen in white letters.

It's dark outside. Dark and windy. Leaves are blowing everywhere, and the only thing I can see is my school at the end of the street. It looks like a little light shining in the darkness, like hope, I guess.

But my school couldn't be any different from just that. There's no hope here. The only thing school has made me hopeful about is the future.

Just kidding, what future?

My school is the definition of horrible. And I know everyone feels this way about school at some point, but I truly mean this when I say it.

They say school is a place where kids learn new things. All I've learned at my school is how to master a mental breakdown.

I'm almost at the front when I see some of my classmates, laughing with their friends and smiling and everything. It's weird to think that I used to be like that too.

At my school, I'm not hated or anything. I'm ignored.

All people talk about nowadays is how bullying is so wrong. And it is, don't get me wrong, but at least if you're getting bullied, you're being thought of.

-

Bleachers are full of memories for me. Metaphorically, I grew up here. I used to come here all the time with my old friends. We would laugh about stupid things, when times were easier. It still makes me nostalgic to think about, I guess. That's why I always sit on the left side on the bleachers, next to the stairs. I can always find the exact spot because there is an E engraved beside one of the steps.

But, being the extremely lucky person I was, someone just happened to be sitting in the exact spot I usually sit.

Now, I try not to be a mean person, so I didn't ask the person to move or anything.

The person looked at me while I was passing them, and I saw that they had bags under their eyes.

Man I know the feeling.

I'm guessing the person is male, but I couldn't really tell since they were wearing a hoodie and it covered their hair.

I finally sat down about 100 feet away from the boy and listened to some music.

My life is a cycle. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever really live it again instead of just listening to music and studying. The way I'm living right now isn't the way I want to live the rest of my life.

After about 15 minutes of listening to music, I get up and walk to the front entrance of school because my first period class would be starting soon.

As I walk off the bleachers, I see the boy in the hoodie again, but this time the hood isn't on his head, and his green hair was visible.
-------------------

I guess there was a fight or something, because everyone was talking about how Luke, just "beat the shit" out of a small boy.

Luke Hemmings is the most popular guy at school. He can have anyone do anything for him, and as bad as that sounds, it works. His girlfriend is the head cheerleader. It's kind of like one of those teen movies. Except when you realize that they both sneak drugs into school and get high on the daily, but regular kids get in trouble for bringing water to class.

One thing I was curious about was who Hemmings beat up.

I mean, Hemmings beats up many kids, but only enough to scare them away. He never "beats the shit out of them."

I went to the girl's bathroom, still thinking about who it was.

Tyler? No, he may be small, but he could scare Luke away just by talking, it couldn't be him.

When I opened the bathroom door, my thoughts were invaded with the sound of someone bawling.

There was no one else in the bathroom, just me and this kid.

Carefully, I opened the one stall that the sound was coming from, to reveal the same kid that I saw earlier on the bleachers.

What I said next even surprised me, someone who's considered one of the shyest kids in the whole school.

"Hey, are you okay?"

The kid looked up and shook their head.

Earlier I had guessed that this person's gender was male, but they were in the woman's restroom, so was I wrong?

"What's wrong, why do you have a bruise on your eye?"

The bruise, which was pretty big, was black and blue. There was also another one forming below their jawline, like they had just gotten punched.

It had taken me a minute, but then I realized this was the kid that Luke had beaten up.

"Come on, here." I said, helping the boy up. At least I think it was a boy. Everyone said Luke beat up a boy. But what I didn't understand was why he was in the girl's bathroom.

The boy kept on crying. It kind of broke my heart actually.

"Hey, something no one knows is that I carry around makeup with me. Let me cover your bruises." I said, patting his shoulder.

Luckily, we were the same skin tone, so my concealer could blend in with his face.

The boy had finally stopped crying, and although he wasn't saying anything, I knew he was happy that I was doing this.

His skin was warm and soft, and pale, like mine. It was weird because all my life I hated being pale, but just this once it may have came in handy.

When I finished putting on the concealer, even I was impressed with myself. You couldn't even tell that there were bruises underneath.

Barely audible, the boy said,"Why did you do this?"

Shocked that he had actually said something, I replied, "You looked like you needed a friend."

"You don't even know me." He said, looking down and playing with his fingers.

"I don't have to."

And with that, I stood up and left the bathroom. Everyone staring at me when I walked out.