The bell rang and I immediately stepped in the classroom and Mr.S looked up from his desk on surprise. "You're early." I shook my head. He looked up at me once more "Are you okay?" "Y-yeah. I'm fine." He took off his glasses and frowned at me. I looked down at my feet. "Come here," he said. Embracing me in a hug as well. "It'll be okay." I shook my head and pulled away while wiping my eyes. "You can sit in here and watch a movie if you'd like." I gave him a half smile and requested The Fault In Our Stars. He nodded while clicking a few buttons and there it was on the screen. I got a furry blanket from the cabinet and snack from his drawer, as this happened occasionally, and clicked play. "At you sure you're okay?" "Yeah. This one was pretty bad." I squeaked. "We can talk about it anytime." I nodded, "I know." he former his lips to a small smile and turned the lights off walking out the door. I got through half the movie before the bell rang but that's okay because I've seen it many times. I waited for everyone to leave before giving Mr. S a hug and thanking him. He looked sad for me. Never the less he let go of me and before I walked out the door he said "You know, one of my favorite authors is Dr. Seuss," I giggled. "one of the most famous things he ever said reminds me of you." "Oh yeah? Which one is that?" He smiled at me and then replied "You'll move mountains, kid." I gave him a grin. "Thanks, Mr. S." "Any time kid." I shuffled to my locker packing my things. Although my mind was a little lighter, I still was upset. I kept looking over my shoulder so paranoid that I thought the stress would kill me rather than the scars that would rather form on my body. I finished packing my bag and began walking to my last class of the day; art. My lips were aching for a cigarette but instead I popped in a piece of gum because I couldn't be late again. I tossed my bag in the corner and laid my head on the table, dreading the moment that stupid bell would ring and- "Where were you?" Damn. I looked up to see C.j looking at me worriedly. "I uh...went to study hall instead." I lied biting my lip. I always do that. "I know when you're lying," she sighed plopping down next to me. "so what happened? Him again?" She question. I couldn't let her know the truth. "No. I've been really tired." Technically I wasn't lying. I was tired. Tired of being pushed around. Tired of being the tough girl. Tired of my feelings being hurt. Tired of being depressed. "Oh. Well, you can talk to m-" "I know, C.j! I'm just tired, okay?" "Okay jeez." "Alright, guys class is starting." Mrs. Gifford said. We were working on self portraits. I talked to Mrs. Gifford and told her that I was uncomfortable with this project and she said that I could draw myself in any position and with any words as long as it was me. So naturally mine was depressing. I don't mean to be so sad. It just happens. Basically I drew me with a bunch of sad song lyrics. I replay moments of Garret and I when we were happy. The sunlight hit his face perfectly. He gave me a large smile and laughed. His eyes were so light they were almost transparent, so gentle, so caring. "I love you." that's where it ends. That's where it always ends. Them start my new memories. The ones of being kicked around and screamed at. His eyes a grey blue instead of the beautiful light they once were. How was I so stupid? So blind? I thought he'd never hurt me. This is why I hate myself. I trust too easy and fall too hard. "This is why you could never really be loved." I thought to myself. "Khris...?" "Hm? Yeah?" "Are you okay?" I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Yeah. How come?" "Cause it's time to go and you've been like...sitting here." "Oh. Yeah well um lets go then." "...okay..." My phone buzzed in my pocket after I walked out the art room door. It was my mum.
Mum: Hey, take the bus to the bus stop and then walk home
Me: actually I kinda wanted to go to Harry's today...
Mum: do you have your studies done?
Me: not yet but I will
Mum:...
Me: please??
Mum: I suppose you've done good. Be back before 12 okay?
Me: thanks mum okay love you
Mum: love you too
I smiled and thought of Harry's and my future time together today. I had to ride the bus to the bus stop and then walk to Harry's which was only a few blocks from there. I was walking out the school doors when I heard Bobby yell to one of his buddies; "yeah Garret is staying with me tonight." I wanted to freeze. To stop right there. But j just kept walking, my mind over powering anything else. I walked down the sidewalk "You'll be back" off the curb not even focussing "I don't care about you anymore." I heard the gravel being thrown from a nearby car but to my brain it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. "Forever and always." just as I was about to feel the sweet relief I felt someone hand tug at my wrist and pull me out of the way. I landed hard halfway on the curb snapping me out of my daze. "Are you crazy? You could've gotten yourself killed!" I looked up to see those ocean blue eyes, somehow full of hurt and betrayal like I had done something. I stood up cautiously. I wanted to say something. Maybe "thank you" but he didn't help me. He should've just let me continue. It's not like he cared. Or "why did you leave me?" But I would've gotten the same answer as all the other times. I shake of the head and being ignored. And I know it's weird because of the way he treats me but all I wanted was his attention. How about I say "Why did you save me?" He looked me in the eyes and sighed. Closing them and once they opened he was staring at the ground. "Because I love you." he mumbled. Rage over took me "If you loved me, you would be with me. But that's clear you don't want that what with your hickey and all. So if you really, truly loved me, you'd let me die. At least then I wouldn't have to see you with someone else. Which hurts way more than death. I can feel my heart break every time I look at you." I shoved past him feeling relieved but broken at the same time. My emotions needed to get it together. I walked up the bus steps and chose a seat and sat by the window. I plugged in my headphones and began playing music. Hate Me by Blue October came on as I felt my stomach sink. The bus rattled to a start and I saw something from the corner of my eye. I glanced over to see him sitting right beside me like nothing just happened. He was staring at me. Garret pulled invisible earplugs from his ears symbolizing me to take out my headphones. I paused my song and did son. "What?" I groaned. "I'm sorry." He said. It sounded genuine but I'd heard those words so many times that it became hard to hear and I knew it was a lie. "For what?" I nonchalantly asked him. "I don't really know. Usually when you save someone's life they thank you and are gratefully indebted but you," he continued "you're different." I raised my eyebrows. "That quite a big word for you." "Alright cut the s.hit. I'm trying to be polite but you're making it pretty hard for me." He clenched his jaw. "My bad then." I rolled my eyes and reached to our my headphones in. He grabbed my arm and pinned it behind my back and his other arm was on my chest pressing me against the window. "Listen here, babe, I'm trying real hard to not slap you across the face right here, right now. So, here's what's gonna happen you're gonna repeat after me 'I'm sorry for being so insensitive, baby. It won't happen again." I felt the lump in my throat return like a long lost friend. I fought against him and the urge to cry. "You will never control me." I yanked myself free playing my music and breaking eye contact. "Just a while longer." I said to myself. When you get to the bus stop just walk to Harry's. It'll be fine.
Everything
Will
Be
Fine.
