lost // h.s

i.

"harry, stop it!" louis shoved, roughly taking the cold bottle of beer from harry's hands, "zayn and his cousin are on their way. least you could do is show some respect."

harry just ignored louis' reprimand, grabbing the drink back from his prying hands and taking a long gulp of it, "i don't care, i need a drink."

from the corner of his eye, he saw liam rubbing at his temples. he complained about a headache a while before. then there was niall, smiling down at his phone, tapping his foot in nervousness.

there was also gemma, who sat on harry's right, remote in hand as she flipped through the channels. harry was in the middle, and louis on his left. they were all at zayn's house. it was almost like their second home. every week, at some point, they would come over, talk, watch a movie, down a couple of beers. it was all very nice.

louis scratched his head, remembering something, "wait," he began, "isn't zayn's cousin the girl whose parents died in that car crash?"

"oh my god," gemma gasped, covering her mouth with her hands while liam's lips curled into a frown of sympathy as he nodded his head, "yeah, it is."

niall rubbed the back of his neck, "that must've been why zayn was out of town for a week."

"what do you think she looks like?" gemma abruptly asked. for some reason, there was a tinge of excitement in her voice. in fact, too much of it. so she tried to push down the chirpiness in her words by leaning back on her seat quietly.

"god, gemma, you're so superficial sometimes," louis huffed, rolling his eyes, "but since you asked, i would probably say she looks like the female rendition of zayn."

"now that's a sight," liam laughed, crossing his arms. everyone else laughed too, including harry.

niall chuckled to himself before saying, "she's probably got hair that looks like a bird's nest. yellow teeth, three cavities filled in! a-and-"

"niall!" gemma chuckled at his colourful imagination, "what on earth?"

then he caught everyone else's expressions, realizing that they were all throwing weird looks at him.

he rolled his eyes at them as if they had lost all sense of logic and rationalization, "her parents just died," he stated, as if it was the single most obvious thing in the world. "do you actually think she'd even have the time of day to pop outside to the barber's shop? let alone brush her teeth? god knows i wouldn't!"

"well, thank god for dentures," louis deadpanned.

"for your information, we don't go to 'barber shops'", gemma butt in proudly, "girls call it salons - it sounds less barbaric."

"and how was i meant to know that?" niall's face contorted, dropping his phone on the two-seater, "i grew up in a household of five men, without a motherly figure."

"or a girlfriend," harry smirked, causing everyone in the room to shout 'oooohs' and weird cheery noises.

"says you," niall scowled, gesturing a hand toward harry, "you haven't gotten laid since the civil war!"

liam burst into fits of laughter, followed by niall sporting an annoyingly smug grin shortly after. louis doubled over, smacking harry playfully in the arm. gemma moved her fingers to her mouth to stifle a laugh. harry clenched his jaw.

although, in the midst of the laughter and the incessant hunching over and the distant sound of the television playing, they heard the unmistakable lock on the door click. and suddenly, it was quiet. like everyone hadn't just been writhing in hysterics at harry's vow of celibacy merely a few seconds ago.

a hush descended over the room. all motion stopped. the very air. or so it felt.

louis' body tightened in alert. harry even sensed gemma sit straight. "what the hell?" he whispered distastefully to her, "i didn't know the queen was visiting."

"shut up," she said, elbowing harry in the side, "and be nice to our guest of honor."

he winced at the jab and rubbed his rib. but anyway, guest of honor? he almost snorted aloud at the thought. gemma has always been the more hospitable one between them two. harry chugged down the last of his drink before setting the bottle down on the coffee table. his face scrunched up as he sighed, feeling the alcohol seep in.

they heard footsteps. choppy and fast. zayn's of course. then there was the soft foreign clicking of a stranger.

zayn suddenly entered the living room, a wide smile adorning his face as he rubbed his hands together excitedly. then ushered his cousin over quickly with his hand.

and there she was. zayn slid an arm around her and harry took it as the ideal opportunity to take his first glimpse at her. perhaps, niall was right that he hadn't exactly been sexually intimate for a long time, but he couldn't have been more wrong about her. she didn't have 'hair that looked like a bird's nest' or 'yellow teeth with three cavities filled in' as he had put it. well, no one was sure about the latter because she hadn't opened her mouth just yet.

"this is my cousin lyle," zayn said proudly as he gestured to her with a hand. he gently pushed her towards everyone and she shyly complied. "this is liam, niall, gemma, louis and harry," zayn introduced them all by pointing to each of them one at a time. harry thought she would most probably forget all of their names by tomorrow.

she only stood there, quietly huddled next to zayn as everyone threw friendly waves and hello's and nice-to-meet-you's at her to which she remained impervious. devoid of emotion.

she was there, pursed lips with silky dark hair that reached mid-shoulder. she wore a baggy grey sweater and jeans that made her look emaciated, frail. she had a nondescript face and eyes that were two shades lighter than zayn's and it stood out in the paleness of her features, almost looking like a washed out blend of hazel brown and emerald green.

aside from that, harry felt it in the air of the room. he didn't know if everyone else sensed it but he couldn't ignore it. the inexplicable helplessness. the pain. it was exuberant. but how could pain and helplessness be exuberant? how could such a simple tautology be so cruel in its utterance?

she didn't just recede in a proverbial cloud of sadness. she was hurting. harry thought she reminded him of a little field mouse; small in a world so big, weak, and lost.