Incierto

Chapter-2 (Fate)

The alarm rings right beside my ear. I wake up rubbing my eyes, smiling as the sun shines on my face. Of course, Ashley was here. I smile to myself as I hear her sing in the shower. I go to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast for her. I feel tired and sick, might be the nightmare. I could barely sleep after it, so I decide to take a leave and give myself some rest.

Ashley walks in, dressed up and ready for school. I couldn't have been more blessed. Guess God has his own ways of blessing me, and she was a blessing to me, something unwanted had turned out to be the only love of my life. She was the centre of my universe, my world revolved around her. I kiss her good bye as she heads for the Bus Stop. "Be careful when you cross the road dear!" I shout out. Seems like the nightmare just revived my old wounds. It had been a long time since I last got them though. I try to shrug off the thoughts of them as I walk out to the porch to see Ashley off.

I turn back to leave only when I see her get on the bus safely. Just as I bend down to admire my petunias, it starts raining . I decide to sit outside and enjoy the cool weather, instead I end up walking outside and enjoying the raindrops splash on my face. It elates me somehow. I sit on the porch after sometime, looking at the raindrops hit the petals of my sunflowers and slide down gracefully. I close my eyes and put my head in my hands, sobbing. All the memories flooding back, flashing before my closed eyes, yet I see them clearly. My childhood, my mother, my friends. Everyone left me alone, alone to fend for myself and the growing child inside me. I tried everything I could, so that I miscarry it, but I couldn't bring myself to killing her, never. And I don't regret it, at all. But living alone with no one to turn to frightens me at times. After all, I'm just twenty four, with a daughter to care for, all on my own. I never really got a chance to complete my education and pursue my passions. I barely remember the dreams I had for myself when I was young. Oh! I wanted to do so much! I bury my face deeper and cry till my eyes turn dry, with nothing but hollowness in them.

I slowly turned my head up and looked at the puddle of water beneath my feet. I saw a pair of black eyes staring back at me, sad, defeated, eyes that lacked lustre and life. That's not me, that's not what I wanted to be. How am I ever breaking out of this cage? When will my reflection show who I really am? I had no answers,again. Dejected, I entered my room.

As I sat on the bed, I saw a sheet lying on the ground. As I picked it up,  suddenly a smile spread on my face. Ashley, that sweet little girl was all I had, the only reason I strived so hard everyday, managing three jobs and working overtime, just to give her everything she wanted and needed. The drawing had a house, sun, mountains, river and a tree beside which Ashley stood holding my hand. It was at times like these that I wished I had someone to share my happiness with, laugh at my daughter's cute antics, smile at her adorable drawings, play with her. Honestly, I never wanted a husband for myself, not after that day, but I wanted my daughter to have a father, more than anything else in the world. I didn't even know who Ashley's real father was out of those six men. I shudder at the memory of that incident. Seven years. I cannot believe I pulled it off all along, alone. It's not really as bad as I was thinking. 

Ashley is better off without a father like that. I can be her father and mother, yes I can. The thought emboldens my faltering gait, as I walk into the kitchen to prepare lunch for Ashley. I had ended up wasting a lot of time down the memory lane, the realisation dawns on me when I glance at the clock Her bus will honk at the gates any moment. Baked chicken and rice it is then, i decided as I took out chicken from the refrigerator. As I put it into the oven, it struck me. Ashley did resemble Xavier, slight resemblance but still, she did have his eyes! My hands tremble as I hear the bus honking at the gate. I quickly step outside the door and watch Ashley get down the bus and wave her hands at me. I wave back, gesturing her to come over quickly. "Food's getting cold honey, come quickly to Mommy!" Ashley grins at me, showing her two missing teeth. She starts running towards me, without even glancing at the two sides of the road. 

As she is in middle of the road, a car comes out of nowhere and hits her, making her land six feet away from the car. Everything gets clouded in front of my eyes as I run to Ashley's aid, who is now lying motionless on the road, her arms spread out. I gasp as soon as my eyes land on my daughter's body. I sit beside her with her head in my lap as I stare on.

 "Someone call the ambulance!" I scream. I heard the opening and closing of door as someone from the car rushes over to see. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..." his voice trails off as soon as he sees the me. "Theresa! Is that you? And is that...your daughter?" His voice cracks as he speaks. I look at him, my tears betraying me and rolling down my cheeks. "Our daughter, Xavier, our daughter", I say as I stare wide eyed at the man who ripped my world apart, again. Xavier sits down and takes Ashley's head in his hands, trying to revive her. He shouts out for his friends in the car as they come rushing to our daughter's aid, one of them calling the ambulance.

 Be careful what you wish for, they say.

The quote keeps on repeating in her mind as she watches them reunite for the first and last time, ever.