Stronger

1

I looked at the clock, 11:30AM just like every other day when the alarm went off. I took a deap breath in as i thought about getting up and getting ready for a new day. Why does it have to be so hard? Why did he have to leave? I slowly placed my feet on the carpeted floors in my bedroom, who would've thought the summer before my first year of college would be spent with tear stained pillow cases and constant pain.

"Rebecca!" My mother called from the kitchen, lately i'm used to her waiting for me to wake up and get moving before she starts doing whatever she has to do. She's worried, she knows i'm not okay but she doesn't know how much i hurt or how bad i am so she's worried.

"Coming." I grab a different shirt so she won't see the mascara marks from rubbing my wet eyes last night. As i walk down the stairs i realize i put his shirt on. I countinue hoping that she won't notice, hoping that i won't break as i feel the familiar fabric on my skin.

"Jonny called sweetheart," she pauses to take a breath. "He wants to talk to you." I feel my eyes begin to water as i think of all the possible reasons why he would want to talk.

"Did he, did he say why?" i stutter as i pick up my cellphone. He has no choice but to call my house phone because i made the decision to block his number so i can't make a mistake and call him when its late and im lonely.

"No, he just said he would like for you to call him sometime today." I look down as she hands me the phone with his number on the screen. She didn't have to leave his number there, i knew it off by heart.

My heart was pounding so loud i swear my mother could hear it as i listened to the phone dial his number and begin ringing.

"Hello? Becca?" His voice rang through my ears as i felt my heart drop to my stomach.

"Hi Jonny.." I could barley breath as i waited for his response and walked where no one could hear our conversation. "You, you um wanted to talk?"

"Ya, i have all your stuff if you want to come get it, i could drop it off if you can't." I felt the tears start as i realized this was really over.

"Can you drop it off? My car is in the shop." I lied, i knew that if i went to pick it up he would just leave it outside. This way i can see him one last time.

"Oh ya, i can drop it off sometime today if you want." I knew he could hear the pain in my voice as i talked.

"Okay. I'll be home all day."

"Okay i'll bring it around 4." I almost couldn't speak knowing i would be seeing him.

"K bye" I said and hung up the phone before he could respond.

Today was the day i never wanted to come, once you get your stuff back your relationship has no chance of getting fixed. I knew ours was over but it wasn't this over, there was a small chance and now that chance will be gone.

I felt the need to look almost too good for him so i showered and began to apply make up and find the perfect outfit that would make his heart hurt as much as mine does everyday. My mom left in the process knowing that being alone when he came would be the best idea.

4O'clock came way too fast as i watched him pull up in my driveway. I walked slowly to the door feeling my heart racing. Seeing him step out of his car makes the feelings all too real.

Opening the door I go to speak but immediatly stop myself. He wants to talk he can start it.

"Here you go." He hands me the box of stuff while staring at the ground.

"Thanks, did you want your stuff back too?" Stupid question Bec of course he does.

"Not really actually." He smiles slightly when he looks up at me.

"I miss you." I looked him straight in the face as i felt the lump in my throat grow when i said those words.

"I'm sorry Bec." he reached up to wipe the tears that had began to fall but as he did so i backed away.

"I'm fine, don't apologize for not wanting to be with me anymore." My voice sounded stronger than excepted.

"I didn't do this because i didn't want to be with you Bec!" I almost laughed as i heard his words.

"If you still wanted to be with me we wouldn't be having this conversation." I kept my voice low and soft to show i'm not getting angry with him.

"People change, i'm sorry i changed, i can't be who you want me to be anymore that's why i left." He sighed and took a step back leaving an even bigger space between us

"You left because i was never what you wanted, you left because i couldn't be her. No matter how hard i tried, i couldn't be her." I raised my voice a little at the thought of her, the thought of her taking my place and doing all the things i used to do not even 2 weeks ago.

"Carly has nothing to do with this."

"Carly has everything to do with this!" I swatted his hand away as he tried to yet again wipe my tears. "She came to you, knowing you were finally happy, knowing that she could ruin me, knowing that you would go right back to her no matter the consequence. And YOU took that chance, you betrayed my trust, you let HER convince you to be the guy you swore you would never be. Do the things you promised you'd never do!" I felt the tears coming full force and i knew he felt the hurt in my voice as i spoke, as my face got hotter and hotter with every thought of what happened that night.

"It wasn't supposed to happen that way Bec!"

"She wasn't supposed to ruin everything we worked so hard to build, she wasn't supposed to come to between us?" I looked down at the thought of her kissing his lips as i was sitting at home waiting for him to text me. "If that's not how it was supposed to happen then what was supposed to happen?"

"Bec," I cut him off by shoving him of my step.

"Do you still love me?" I looked at him as he took a deep breath.

"I wish I could say yes. I wish I wasn't hurting you like this, I wish so many things but that's the thing they are just wishes." He grabbed my hand and held it in his. "I'll always have feelings for you and I'll always care about you but we can't happen anymore."

"I love you so much." I didn't remove my hand from his to wipe my tears that still existed on my cheeks even after I had stopped crying. He pulled me into a hug and kisses my forehead making me shiver.

"Goodbye Bec." And with that he was gone, one second I had him in my arms and the next he was speeding down the road to go back to her.
I looked down at my chest to the necklace placed perfectly, one swift motion and it was off.
I love you to the moon and back - J  etched into the small heart, the words he told me the first time he said I love you.