Sitting at my hospital bed, I see a little girl trying to escape the nurse's demand of drinking medicine. Her face is very innocent. I wonder what her illness is. I can't see any sign of sadness in her face. I am about to stand and walk outside when my younger sister talked.
"Don't force yourself. You're still weak."
I want to object. I want to tell her that I can and I will but I didn't. I'll just waste my time arguing with her. I lie again in bed and stare at the ceiling. I'm Toby Cruz and I'm dying. I have cancer. Stage 4. Yes, stage 4. I'm only 17. Young, right? My doctor said that I only have a month to live. I'm not afraid of dying because I always experience that. Well, not physically but emotionally. It's just the same, right? I died when my childhood friend left me without telling me why. I died when I first knew that I have this damn disease and I just died recently when I saw my family crying when they found out that I'm dying.
"Are you okay?"
My thoughts are interrupted when my mother hold my hand.
"Yes, Mom. I'm always okay. Don't worry." I smilingly said. She smiled at me, too but I can see her eyes started to produce a transparent drop of fluid.
"Mom, it's okay. I'm alright just please stop crying." I uttered. I can see the pain in my mother's eyes and it is slowly killing me.
"Alright. Rest now, baby. Go to sleep. It's been a long day. I know you are tired. Everything will go back in place tomorrow. I'll be going home and get your favorite blanket. Your father will be here later."
She then kissed me on my forehead and I embraced her like as if there is no tomorrow.
"I love you, Mom. Thank you."
She kissed me again and left the room. After an hour, my eyes are still wide awake. I can't sleep. I'm tired. I can feel a tingling sensation. I can feel sudden sag on my body.
"Toby? I'll just buy something to eat. Do you want anything?" my sister approached me.
"No, I'm fine. Just don't stay too long outside. I know Josh is there. Why don't you just invite him here?"
My sister's face turned red. Josh is her boyfriend. He was my teammate way back in high school and we're not in good terms because he made a promise to court my sister after she graduate but he didn't kept it. By the way, my sister is one year older than me. She then went near me and touched my neck. Maybe she's wondering why I told her that.
"Are you serious?" she asked while staring at me.
"Do I look like I'm kidding, Zarina?"
"But—"
"That was a long time ago. Its okay, I'm not mad at him. Well, just irritated. Haha. But maybe it's time for us to catch up things again besides I'm uh.... dying...."
"Hey. No you're not!" She lightly slapped my left arm while saying that.
"I am!"
"Whatever you said Toby. Wait! I'll just call him outside."
My sister is about to leave when I called her.
"Zarina."
"Yes, Toby? Do you need something?"
"I just...uh... I just want to say thank you." I told her while stuttering. I'm not used to say such words to her but right now, I just felt that I wanted to and I needed to.
"Thank you? For...what?
"I don't know. Maybe for taking care of me even though I don't treat you like a younger brother does. Thank you for being there for me. For making things better when I'm in trouble. Uh... I just wanted to say... I love you before it's... it's too... late."
