P.S. I Know You're There

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Beep

"148."

Beep

"149.

Beep

"150."

"I'm here!" Adam cheered as he walked through the door with a bouquet in his hands.

"How do you do that?" Eva looked up at him from the hospital bed that she was in.

"Told you I'd be back at 150th beep didn't I?"

"Yes, but how?"

"A great magician never reveals his secret."

"That was hardly magic." Eva scoffed, which caused a pain to shoot down her chest. She tried to keep her face straight, but Adam noticed.

"You okay?" Adam asked as he pulled a stool next to the hospital bed.

"Yeah." Eva turned her head to face Adam.

His face was bright was ever, and the million dollar smile plastered on his face, but even a blind man could tell that it didn't reach his eyes. His hair was a mess and his clothes were no better. Eva's health was taking a toll on him, He refused to let it show. But he was coming undone.

The day he found out that Eva had cancerous cells spreading around her body was the day he decided to quit his job and spend time with her dying wife. The doctors had told him that her case was a lost cause. They could try experimental drugs on her but the cancer had spread far too much to guarantee any positive results. That was the day his world had come crashing down. He had taken her to the best hospitals around the country, and was willing to take her out of country too but Eva explained to him that she knew she was dying and she wanted to die in peace. Adam decided to go back to their hometown, where they had first met and gotten married. Being back in their old house brought an inexplicable joy and peace to them. Eva seemed to be doing much better too. But it all came spiraling down one night when Eva suddenly fell ill and they had to go to the hospital only to find out that she was on borrowed time.

Adam stared at the women of her life before her, wondering what he would do without her.He didn't want to lose her. He didn't dare say it out loud, but on the inside, it was eating him up. He hated knowing what was going to happen to his wife and he hated himself for not being able to do anything about it.

He took her hand in his and lightly kissed it. The beeps of the heart monitor had become a constant in his life, and in a way, he was glad to hear it, for he knew what it would mean when it stopped beeping.

Eva smiled at Adam as she thought about all the days they had spent together. Their days at the lake house. Their wedding. The house that they built together. The plans that they made for two. For her, Adam had been everything she could've asked for. If she died then and there, she knew she would be at peace. She had everything she ever wanted, Adam. But there was one thing that kept nagging her. What would happen to Adam when she was gone. She'd seen his face the day she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She had seen what her illness was doing to him. He tried to hide it and she tried not to notice it because it hurt too much, but she could see it crystal clear, written on his face. She wished she could take it away, but she knew she couldn't.

They continued gazing at each other lovingly, till they were disturbed as a nurse walked into the room. Adam, who was leaning towards Eva straightened up and cleared throat as the nurse checked the monitors and charts.

"I'll need you to leave the room for a bit." The nurse said, facing Adam.

"Um, can't I stay? I'm her husband." Adam pleaded.

"It's okay, love. Go out, and do that magic of yours again and be back at the 200th beep." Eva smiled at Adam weakly.

"If you say so love." Adam kissed Eva's hand for the last time and got up to leave the room.

Once he was out of the room and the door was firmly closed behind him, he leaned to the wall next to the door and let out a sigh. Tears, that he had been holding back in the room, now streamed down his face. And in the back of his mind, he counted the beeps of the heart monitor that he could still faintly hear. He slid down the wall till he had his knees against his chest and he threw his head in his hands. He wiped his face and ran his fingers through his hair as he stood up and straightened his shirt. He sat on a bench on the other side of the door, and continued counting beeps.

He had only reached 56 when he realized that the pace of the beeps was changing and as soon as he did, the nurse came rushing out of the door calling for a doctor. For a few seconds, Adam was so terrified that he could barely move. As three doctors came rushing towards his wife's ward, Adam regained his senses. He got up and tried entering the room, but was stopped by a nurse who told him to wait outside. Minutes passed, which seemed like ages to Adam. In that time, each and every second that they had shared passed before his eyes. And as each memory did, he repeated a prayer in his heart, "God please don't let this happen." After what seemed like a lifetime, one of the doctors came out and let out a defeated sigh.

"I'm sorry, son." He patted Adam's shoulder and spoke a few word of condolences, but Adam registered none of them. He was too shaken to understand anything. He felt like he had been stabbed multiple times. He felt like it was him who had died instead of Eva. He was numb to everything around him. He only knew one thing. Eva was gone. And, he believed, his life too was over. An old nurse came and sat next to him, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"Aye lad, listen here." She said slightly nudging him.

Adam snapped out of his daze and looked at her.

"it's okay. She is in a better place now, She is free from all the pain that she had been going through."

Adam just nodded, not knowing what to say, or do.

"She was ready for this you know. She was at peace with it. And when the time came, she wanted me to give you this." She handed Adam a folded piece of paper.

Adam looked at the paper and then back at the nurse. And then with shaking hands, he unfolded the paper. Looking at Eva's handwriting all over the paper was all it took to break the dam that was holding back Adam's tears. Through his watery vision, he read the last words that Eva had left for him. And as he read, his heart felt lighter. And when he was done, he was smiling through his tears. He clutched the paper close to his heart and whispered to himself, " I love you Eva, forever and always."

Dear Adam,

Life serves us in many ways. Sometimes, it delivers us happiness and joy. It surprises us. It also makes us go through pain and agony. Or it may have us cry with sadness. Life blessed me with all the love and happiness I could've asked for in the form of a man. You. And trust me there is nothing more I could've asked for. If you are reading this letter, then I can say that life has not been fair to you. Not because it took me away from you, but because it has left you unsatisfied while all my wishes have been fulfilled. But that is life, unfair. And you can't run away from it Adam. Life may be unfair at times, but in the end, we all get the better part of it. I got mine early on. You still are to have yours. Our days together might be over, but your life isnt.Adam, I want you to move on. You've had enough sorrows and griefs. You need to let go and move on. And if you do, I think I'll be able to rest in peace. I might not be next to you, but I am with you. Keep that in mind.I love you Adam, forever and always.

P.S. I knew you were always behind the door counting the beeps. I couldn't see you, but I knew you were there. It's your turn to believe your heart when it says that I'm with you.