Your Ghost

The Ghost

I'm a ghost. Not literally. But I am. So whenever I do something, guess what? yep, I am blamed. I am their ghost. I am your ghost. I am the ghost. I am ignored, pushed away, betrayed by loved ones. All of those things. I can't work it out. If I cry they'll think I'm weak. If only I could wear a mask all the time. They told me to be unique, then they judge me. They said be who you are, then they hate me. But music saves me from the box. I call it the box. it's all of my sad, tragic, miserable and terrible feelings all bottled up in one box. In my brain. In myself. Yes, in the ghost. I listen to music and it's like your best friend holding you when you cry, your mother making you your favourite thing after school, your dad telling you he's proud, or your boyfriend hugging you when you're happy. That is music to me. Its my life. My escape from the real world. Music doesn't judge me, or hate on me, or tell me how useless I am. It tells me I'm okay. It says "you're alright, try again" it reassures me that I am okay.
Even though I can't always have music, I make my own. I'll sit there for hours and hours on end just to make a song. I love it. You see, I am a huge disappointment to a lot of people including old friends, parents, siblings, teachers. So many people and yet I don't even care. Nope. I don't care what-so-ever. Well, yes, friends would be nice to have, maybe a boyfriend as well. But that's just fantasy. Like that is actually going to happen. I never knew why, why dad would never take me to school, pick me up. Or why mum would never do my hair for me or watch a movie with me. Now I know it's because they never liked me. Not one bit. It was depressing at first. I mean, not having your parents like you is hard. But, I'll get over it eventually.