Why do I do this to myself I can be perfectly fine, and then I remember.
I remember before everything turned to shit and I was happy.
I remember when something in my life was going good for a change and I had someone who cared.
When I remember I'm happy...until I come back to reality and realize your gone and what I have turns back into what I HAD.
I said I moved on and I was letting go, I even lead myself to believe that was true, but truth is I cant say I have moved on.
I still think about what was and what could have been all the time, it keeps me up at night and I cant ever seem to sleep.
I don't know why I do this to myself because I just have to feel the pain all over again and it sucks. it's like having someone stab you and slowly rip you to tiny little pieces before throwing what's left of you into the burning flame.
I said goodbye...and I said I was letting go, but I'm not, I cant. I've tried, time and time again and I just cant do it. I cant let go and I cant move on! I'm sorry, I just cant, but saying goodbye and letting go are not the same. goodbye is " I'll see you again when I'm ready to hold your hand, and when your ready to hold mine." letting go is "I'll miss your hand and I realize it's not mine to hold,and I will never hold it again..." and that kills me inside thinking about that just makes me want to shrivel up and die in a hole. The thought itself of never seeing you again, never holding your hand again, and never being held in your arms again crushes me inside. no matter how bad you or anyone else wants me to move on and let go, I cant, I'm sorry.
I'm just....I'm not ready to let go.
