The ups and downs

prologue: It was supposed to last

I was happy in my life. I had no care for what the world would think about me. I thought i had my special someone but i never had the guts to tell him i like him. i wished i would get his attention. i would cry myself to sleep if something got messed up. i would listen to music and dance at my happiest moment.

And he'd given me the perfect trick that i use til today when i miss a loved one. everything was PERFECT. for the first time i did not want to swap my life for someone else's.

It was the perfect moment when he confessed. for me that was the first time i loved anyone genuinely.

"Reina, i want to tell you something," he said.

"i like you not as a friend but more. i love you."

I shied from him and he gave my my first meaningful kiss. I blushed and felt my cheeks becoming red hot. To avoid myself from going crazy, i immediately agreed to his love and left.

The next day i woke up with a smile. I dressed up to actually impress him. at our usual hangout spot i met him. his shoulders hunched and his eyes far off.

"look Reina, i can't be with you," he said.

"what? but we just..." i tried to speak but i choked.

"i'm sorry. I'm too busy," he said.

wrecked, I leaned back. was that a tear in my eye? i couldn't show him i felt torn. he excused himself and left without a proper goodbye.

after he left, i called in sick and stayed home. That day, all i did at home was cry and empty my tear ducts. If i wasn't crying i was gloomy and refused to do anything.

That might have been the day i lost my empathy but i became stronger. i vowed never to let anyone get to me. even if it meant i had to die single, i'd be free from the heartbreak i never want to feel.