A Cowboy for Holly

Chapter 8

Holly spent the weekend shut up in her apartment doing some serious thinking.

She didn't see Ben again. Didn't hear from him. And though it killed her to admit it, she knew it was her fault. He'd come halfway across the country for her. To convince her that he cared. But she hadn't been able to bend. To admit that she loved him, too.

She had been too afraid to trust her own feelings, let alone Ben's.

She could remember all too well the humiliation and the pain of being rejected by the man who was supposed to love her forever. She hadn't even realized how badly that incident had shaken her confidence. Made her question her own judgment.

She had crawled into a defensive posture and blamed everything on rich men. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she had been using what had happened to her as an excuse to keep everyone at bay.

Staring out her window at the street below, she watched the city come to life and knew Ben had been right. It wasn't all rich guys who were bad news. It was jerks. And they came in all tax brackets.

"And, now that it's too late," she murmured, pulling on a light spring jacket in soft green, "I know I love Ben Gray."

But it was Monday morning, and he was either back in Montana already or on his way.

She turned to study the painting she'd done of the barn on his ranch. He had been right about that, too. She had loved it there. Loved being a part of that world. Seeing a sunrise every morning that wasn't sliced through by power lines and telephone wires. She loved hearing birdsong instead of car horns. She loved the way the wind blew across the open pastures and watching Ben train horses in the corral.

"That's where I belong," she whispered, a slow smile curving her mouth. "In Montana. With Ben."

There was nothing holding her here, after all. No family. Just a job she liked and a few good friends. But in Montana, she could have so much more. If she could swallow her pride long enough to follow the man she loved and admit he had been right all along.

Still smiling, she grabbed her purse and headed for the job she had to quit.

***

"I can't believe you're leaving town!" Katie shook her head. "You're just taking off for Montana?"

"I am," Holly said, following her friend out onto Fifth Avenue and the concrete bench they thought of as their lunch spot. "I turned in my resignation and I'm clearing out my desk by the end of the day."

The street was crowded, traffic was thick. The scent of coffee and hot dogs stained the air, and on the sidewalk an older man played mournful tunes on a saxophone for the coins dropped into the box in front of him.

Manhattan was an exciting city, but now, as Holly looked at it, she could admit that she had never really belonged there. She'd always felt a little out of step. Too many people and not enough trees, she thought with a smile. But soon, she'd be where her heart was. With Ben.

Swallowing her pride wouldn't be so hard if she knew she would have everything she had ever wanted once she'd done it. Yes, she was taking a risk by going to him. But in her heart she realized the most important thing of all. She trusted him. In fact her heart had, right from the first. It had only been her own insecurities that had kept her from what she'd wanted all along.

"Okay," Katie said, plopping down onto the bench. "But quitting your job and catching a flight out of town all in the same day? I still say this is just so out of the blue for you."

"I know," Holly answered with a grin. "Isn't it great? But honestly, I've never been so sure about anything in my life. When Ben was here, I was too busy being hurt and scared to take a risk. As soon as he left, I knew that without risk, there's no gain. And having Ben in my life?" She sighed and smiled again. "That's worth anything."