This is a real story. Enjoy!
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Mood: "Bad Blood" by Taylor Swift
August 11, 2015, Tuesday 13:12 AM
Dearest You,
I never thought we would have a fallout. I mean we just caught up and we were fine. You even told me you valued the friendship we had. That had to mean something right?
You told me that you'll adjust. I pleaded for you to do so and you agreed. We even sealed it with a hug. That meant something right?
You told me you didn't care. You told me that we were good. You made me feel that I was one step closer to acceptance. You made me see that there was still hope that even when the world will say otherwise, you'll be there. For me.
Despite our different orientations, your words molded into a promise that I allowed myself to be strung by. Even when you were hurting me, I reminded myself of your words. Of your integrity. I held onto it like a lifeline in hopes that you would see the trust I placed in you when I told you who I was.
Everything was fine. But at random occasions my words would make you snap at me and just make your mood off. I don't blame you though. I admit my fault in that; I was pushy, intuitive, heck I was enjoying the playfulness from my side and the little discomfort in yours. It made me feel some sort of power.
I knew I could've gone further with the level of tolerance you showed with my treatment to you. But I want to point out that I didn't. At least not yet. We'll get to that part later.
I respected that you are straight. I respected that and I was fully aware that not all straight guys, friends or not, regardless of relationship, are that fond of gay jokes.
Though I never joked on jumping your bones or giving you head at any point of our talks, I still really felt your hesitance in talking with me. Nonetheless it was all really just playful banter between a straight dude and a gay dude.
I remember the night I told you I was gay. We were texting about One Direction and I so badly wanted to tell you the about the night I fully accepted my sexuality because I was sort of keeping such a big thing from you.
I understood where you were coming from when you told me that if I was a real friend, I would've told you sooner. But I also just wished that you would see that I just admitted to being gay to myself like a week before we caught up and even I was still getting used to the label. Plus, you haven't exactly earned the privilege to know about something as big as my identity. Another plus is, throwing your sexuality after years of not talking isn't conventionally normal. I wish you would've understood this though.
Well I saw the opportunity to tell you when you brought Cara Delevinge up. I contemplated on telling or not. I really, really did. I mean, duhh it's something big and I know it will strike up questions from my dark past and I didn't know how you would react but nevertheless, I trusted you. I told you that you can have Cara for yourself because I didn't swing that way. You seemed to be quick to pick up my not-so-subtle hint on my sexuality. I received the reaction I was looking for; shock, confusion, and denial.
Those three were nothing but present within you and your demanding questions on why, how, when, and more why's. But I answered them all with honesty. It was all I could really offer at the time. Sadly it wasn't as satisfying as I thought it was.
Underneath my calm replies and composed answers during my confession, was a scared lad. I was so scared that you were going to flip out and ditch me, call me names and like detest my whole entirety. Thankfully you didn't. Yet.
