Stay (the sequel to "Forget Me Not")

Chapter 4: The outside-joke inside

He awoke with a mild headache; someone was faintly hammering their way out of his skull. The sheets and covers were keeping him wrapped up in a warm cocoon of safety. He refused to open his eyes and instead turned over on his side, trying to fall back asleep. A loud, sharp buzzing from a blender cut through to him from downstairs and forced him to stay conscious. He swallowed what little saliva he had left in his dry throat and smacked his tongue a few times. It tasted sour. He rested his arm across his forehead. His face felt sweaty and greasy. He tried to recall how many beers and glasses of wine had been consumed the previous night, after the kids had been put to bed, but to no avail.

"Ey! Time for breakfast, Aurora."

Dean's voice rumbled around the room, in through one of Cas's ears and out the other; like that giant rock that rolled after Indiana Jones in that movie that Dean liked. Was it the one with the crystal human craniums?

He groaned loudly and turned over on the mattress again, away from Dean's voice.

"I ain't gonna let you stall a meal for me" Dean continued. "Ellen's making pancakes."

Naomi had never made pancakes for Cas.

They were both quiet for a moment. He could feel Dean waiting for him.

"I'll give you five minutes." His footsteps made the floor and the stairs creak when he left.

Cas groaned again and reluctantly let his legs fall over the edge of the bed, not yet peeling his eyelids apart. Once he did, he was met by the sight of the soft curtains that framed the window by his bedside, making the sunlit greenery outside look like a painting. It was calming as ever.

He yanked a T-shirt and his sweatpants off of a chair and pulled them on, rubbing his face as he went downstairs. He entered the now crowded kitchen and suddenly felt torn. He silently wished that every day could start like this; with all of these people who supposedly loved him, making breakfast together. At the same time he just wanted to crawl back under the covers in bed, and die.

"I think we got a flower printed apron in some cupboard" Dean said jokingly.

Ellen poured another slob of pancake batter into the pan and shot him a dirty look. "I ain't no goddamned Betty Crocker."

Bobby scoffed on a kitchen chair. Jessica was setting the table and Sam passed by, carrying a few extra folding chairs in both his giant hands. The room was vibrating with life and warmth. Even Grace and Abigail were awake. They played under the kitchen table, not paying any attention to the commotion around them. It reminded Cas of something and he turned to the front door.

"Good morning, Cassie!" Jessica cheered, but he was already gone.

The cardboard box outside the door was empty, except for the blanket. Cas exhaled heavily. He had secretly wanted the cat to still be there. Such childish hope, he thought to himself.

Someone called his name from inside the house, and he turned on his heel again.

The pancakes were delicious and thick; "a proper, hardy meal to start my boys' day" as Ellen had put it when she shoved the fully loaded plate on to the middle of the table. Cas indulged Dean by letting Grace deal with her meal on her own, without his ever guiding and helpful hands making sure she wouldn't make a mess of herself. She gripped her plastic cup of juice with both hands, and Cas watched her in the corner of his eye. He felt Dean's eyes on him across the table and met them for a second before he stood up. He got the message. Loud and clear. He was being too much again.

"Excuse me" he murmured.

The conversation around the kitchen table died down.

"You okay, Cas?"