Crystal Coma **In Editing**

Chapter 13

I ran up to my room. I shut the door and paced around my room crying for about 2 minutes before CC came in. I looked at him.

"Why?"

He looked at me confused. "W-What?"

"Why did you tell me when mommy and daddy died that they went some place wonderful and I couldn't go with them? Why didn't you just tell me they died?"

He looked sad. He came towards me and sat me on the bed, hugging me and rocking me. "Because Crissy. You were 5. You wouldn't have understood it. I didn't need anything else to happen."

"But I was so confused. I didn't figure out fully and accept the fact they were dead until I was eight. The house I lived in was horrible. I was abused physically a-" I stopped and couldn't bring myself to tell him. I just hoped he wouldn't ask.

"And what?"

"T-They r-raped me....CC...They didn't give a fuck. They laughed at me when I tried to tell the cops, but the wouldn't believe what I told them."

"Oh my God. Crissy. I'm so sorry. I should have tried harder to get you out of there sooner. He was ready to cry, I could tell.

"CC, I don't want to go back down there. But I don't want to be up here alone."

"Ok. Well, do you want me to send Jinxx up?" I nodded my head. He kissed the top of my head and got up. I laid down on my bed and cried. A minute later, Jinxx came up to my room. He sat on the edge of my bed and after a second, he laid down and held me in his arms. I buried my face in his chest and tried to calm myself down. After a while I had calmed myself down a little bit and quit breathing so heavily, Jinxx broke the silence.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I nodded my head and he rolled over so I was on top of him. Everything came pouring out. By the end of the story, he was crying too. He was laying with me on top of him, looking at the ceiling, tears pouring down his eyes. I laid my head on his chest and heard a knock on the door. None of us moved. CC walked in. He looked at us.

"Everyone's gone, its just us." I nodded and CC left, shutting the door partly behind him.

*11 pm the next day*

All the guys were out at a concert. It was late and I hadn't stopped thinking about my mom and dad. I had nothing but my music, Jinxx, CC and the rest of Black Veil Brides, and as much as I didn't want to admit it, even Ashley. CC said they should be home around 1 am. He told me not to stay up that late, but I did. I couldn't sleep. I wouldn't. I wouldn't stop thinking about the flashback of mom and dad dying. And the only thing I did think about other than that, was cutting. I sat on the couch watching tv, trying to lose myself in the movie I was watching, but it didn't work. Every other thing reminded me of cutting. I couldn't take this urge. I slowly got up and walked to CC's room, leaving the tv on even though I wouldn't be back down. I walked into his room and went to the spot were I knew he hid everything of mine. I pulled open his bottom drawer and moved his jeans around, reaching my hand down. I felt a prick and grabbed it. I pulled it out, revealing my old blade. My old, blood-stained blade. I stood up and shut the drawer, making sure all of his jeans were in the same spot they were before. I walked to my room and shut my door. I got my iPod and turned on D.R.U.G.S I'm Here to Take the Sky  and put in my head phones. I cried when I laid the blade on my skin. I started to work. 2 for each time I thought about cutting, 2 for each time I cried, 4 for telling CC they raped me, 3 for losing my virginity, 5 for not doing anything to help myself, 6 for not taking Ashley back, 1 for almost having sex, 5 for not telling CC sooner, 6 for doing this to myself. When I finished, my arms were bleeding heavily and once more I felt light headed, so I decided to put more gauze on my cuts before It got worse, I went to the bathroom and washed my arms off, then put on the gauze and walked back out into my room. Since it was only 12:05. They wouldn't be home for about another hour. I laid down and closed my eyes, thinking I would be up by then. I fell asleep with the blade in my hands and my arms exposed. I didn't prepare myself for what happened next.

I was being shaken awake by someone. They were yelling at me to stop and open my eyes. It was CC. My eyes shot open and Jinxx was holding my hand. The one with the blade in it. Blood was streaming down. I realized I had been having a nightmare and was gripping the blade in my sleep. It had sliced my hand open and Jinxx was trying to get the blade away from me without hurting me more. I looked at CC, then to my arms which had blood showing through the gauze. I looked to Jinxx who, same as CC, looked ready to cry. I shot off my bed into the bathroom. I slammed the door and locked it. I placed the blade on the sink and looked at my hand. It was more blood than skin. I turned on the water and washed my hand off. It wouldn't stop bleeding. At all. The crimson reminder of life kept on flowing from my hand. After a while, I finally got it to stop, but I felt really light-headed. I looked at the cut. It was deep. Still bleeding a little. I wrapped the gauze quickly around it. I listened on the door. I knew they were still out there. Just then there was a gentle knock on the door. Jinxx's voice came through the door.

"Criss? Can I come in?"

I didn't want to let him in, but I wanted someone to hug, so I did. I opened the door and he came in. I shut it again and locked it. He looked at me. I just stood there. Arms and hand bloody and cut. Tears were welling to my eyes. Jinxx had tears brimming his eyes. I took a step forward and another until I was in his arms, crying into his shirt. He was holding on to me tightly, swaying back and forth. It was soothing. We just stood there for a while, swaying back and forth. He sat dow on the toilet seat and sat me on his lap.

"What happened Criss?"

"Everything. I couldn't stop thinking about everything."

"Well cutting isn't the answer. It never is. I'm going to take the blade now. You found it here, so CC didn't get rid of it and you'll just find it again. I'm going to get rid of it for good. Ok?"

I nodded, my head laying on his shoulder, tears still streaking down my cheeks. He started kissing my neck and was dangerously close to my sweet spot. He kept moving closer and closer, little by little, but just as he was about to hit it. He stopped. He trailed his lips to in front of mine. He looked into my eyes and smirked.

"You're evil."

"I know." He kissed me, pressing my body into his and I felt him grow hard. I smiled into the kiss and he looked into my eyes again. He kissed me one last time and we got up. We walked out and he had his arm around me. I am never cutting again. I am never cutting again. I. Am. Never. Cutting. Again. Those words kept repeating in my mind as Jinxx and I laid down on my bed. Jinxx held me in his arms and I just listened to his steady heart beat. It was so soothing. Relaxing. Peaceful. I never wanted to move from this spot. I never wanted to lose him. I loved him.

I was starting to drift into a deep, restful sleep, but before I did, I whispered "Night Jinxx....I love you."

I thought he was asleep by now, which is why I said it, but to my surprise, he replied. "Night Crissy. I love you more." I smiled and closed my eyes.

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                                                                                         THE END

-xoxo J*