I wake up and look at the time.
3:30am that's an improvement.
I think as i take my glass of water and take a gulp. I hear a bang out on the hall way.
What the fuck was that.
As I walk out I see my father at the bottom of the stairs. "MOTHER!!" I shout the house down and she rushes out and looks. "what happened vikki?" I could see the tears in her eyes and she looks at him."I dunno I woke up and her a bang so I ran out." I realised that my mother and I standing here talking is not going to help my father situation I ran down and jumped over my father and landing a couple of inches away. I check to see if his breathing. He is, but faintly. I shout to my mother and tell her to ring and ambulance. But she froze. As I help my father and also talk to the ambulance service.
999 what's your emergency?
My father has fallen down the stairs, I think he need medical help, he is breathing but faintly. I have laid him on his back and cleared his airways.
We will send an ambulance right away.
Ten minutes later an ambulance has shown up and took my father to the hospital. My mother was there all night I stayed at home, awake until I heard something about how he is. I heard a knock at the door.
Who could that be
I thought. I answered the door. It was officer Bradley.
What does he want?
I look at him as I open the door and invite him in. "I heard about your dad, I got a call and 4am"
"okay, so why did you come here?"
"I wanted to see if you was alright"
"I'm fine, thanks for stopping by" as I try to get him to leave he walks closer to me and looks into my eyes. I step back. Two feet back and still he walks up to me. Finally I'm in a corner and I can't move anymore. He looks at my lips and back to my face.
Oh no, he's thinking of kissing me!
He bends down and without thinking inducted down so he know it's my body saying 'stop'. I stop moving. I have froze on the spot.
He needs to go. NOW!
As I look through him he knows he isn't wanted here.
That's right back away. Slowly.
"Th... Th... Thanks for stopping by again."
As I close the door, I fall to the floor and thoughts ran through my head.
Stop, don't think of him. He isn't the man of your dreams.
After a minute or two, everything went black. I went dizzy. Nothing to see but pure black.
Wake up, WAKE UP!! Get up before you don't (gulp) wake up
I wake up in the hospital. I wasn't sure what had happened.
What am I doing here? Why am I here? How did I get here?
I see my mother crying, holding my hand and needles in and out my arms. "m...mother what happened?" she looked at me as if she seen a ghost and she shouted for help. All I see is nurses and doctors around me checking my blood pressure and my pulse. Nobody has told me what's happened. I feel lonely. Lost. I get home and wasn't allowed out. I had no life. It's felt like I was bed bound.
Three months later... I was still 'bed bound' and I felt alone. Worthless. Lonely. And then it started I seen my new sharpener that my mother brought for my eyeliner and I never used it so I took it and unscrewed it and used the blade and red liquid ran down my arm remember the saying 'across for attention downwards for results' i didn't want attention I want results and fast. This is the first time I.have done this so I went easy and not too deep. I jumped. The phone was ringing. I took it and I was my mother.
"your dad is coming home today"
SHIT!!! I need to clean the blood off my arm
I get up and run yo the bathroom. As I clean my arm, it hurts and stings. I find a long sleeve top and shove it on and I heard the door go.
They're back! So fucking soon!
I jump into bed and I see blood on the floor.
Think, think. Quick, quick.
I gave myself a nose bleed and my mother walks through the door just in time as I hang over the bed with the blood dripping and mother ran to the bathroom and got some toilet roll for my nose. I got scared. What if she sees them.
As I get the tissue I look at her keeping her distracted from my arms. And she looks like she seen a ghost as i went pale. I tried to get up but nearly fell. I sat and waited for assistance. Nobody came. I looked around and shouted for a nurse, still no reply.
Three hours later... I was just about to get in a taxi. And my mum was running behind me.
"are you okay?"
"yes, I'm fine mother"
"are you sure"
"YES!"
"okay" As she gets in the back of the car the taxi, it drives. She was looking at me through the wing mirror and I looked at her in a weird way.
What the fuck are you looking at me for, I haven't done anything. Have I?
We got home and mother asked me to sit down.
What's happened. She never done this before?
My mother looks at me and takes a deep breathe. "I seen the scars on your arms, what had happened? Why didn't you talk to me? Can I help with anything?"
"mother, I don't need no help I'm fine it was only once, talk about treating me like a stupid, young kid!"
