Dear Emily,
Wow, this is awkward, because as far as I remembered, in our twenty eight years of friendship I had never written you a single letter. We literally grew up together didn’t we?
Hey Em, how are things at your end? Me and Jack, we’re fine here. Oh, and Noel has started crawling on his belly now! It’s the cutest things ever… I’ve never been happier. I sincerely hope that everything is all right at your end. How’s Alyssa doing these days? I bet she’s all grown up now…
*~~~~~~~~*
“It’s mine!” cried the five year old me, tugging the doll from Emily’s clutches. The blond haired, blue eyed girl pouted her pink lips in defiance, tugging it her way. We were stuck in a tug of war that afternoon, as we always were. Whatever I had, Emily wanted and whatever she had I needed to make it mine.
Today’s object of attention was the kindergarten rug doll, nothing special about it really. It was old, slightly worn out and dirty but seeing it in Emily hands, the impulsive need to snatch it from her overcame me.
“Give it!” she yelled.
“No! Mine, give it me!” I screamed. We went at it, until the teacher come to broke us off.
Emily and I were only a few months apart; she was older than me being born in September while I celebrate my birthday in December. Our family had always been close, our fathers had been best friends since high school and our family would have dinner together every Tuesday. We live on the same street, went to the same school and carpooled to get there and our fathers’ golfed together every Sunday.
We basically grew up together.
When Emily’s mom died when she was six… well, she sort of became the sister I never had and never wanted. I had to share my mom with her, my shopping time with her and the attention of my two brothers.
And it didn’t help when my mom kept comparing me to perfect little-do-no-wrong-Emily. I disliked her most because of that.
It seemed in my mother’s eye; Emily was everything I was not. And I didn’t see why or how. That was why I worked hard to ace every test, to be better in sports, to be smarter, pettier, friendlier and more popular.
I was a very pretty red head, my boyfriend claimed that I was gorgeous but when compared with the demure and angelical blond and blue eyed Emily, my mom gushed how pretty she looked in her blue prom dress.
I was class valedictorian but my brothers tossed her in the air during our graduation.
My dad smiled fondly at her when she carried the tray of iced tea to the dinner table, every Tuesday.
I was pretty bitter when it comes to Emily.
If there is something that Emily had ever beaten me in was our race to the altar. She got married at 21 with some guy who had fallen head over heels for her. He’d seen her working part time in the library once and five month later they were married. She asked me to be her bride’s maid, I refused. Little Alyssa came into the picture after a year into the marriage.
I was off chasing my dreams and the drive of need to prove that I was better than Emily was forgotten when I was in college. I got my degree and went on to secure an MBA. I met Jack when I was doing my internship.
Meeting Jack was good for me: he calmed me down and slowly rid me of my neurotics. He was too good for me, as a matter of fact. He told me how to slow down and take things as we go, taught me how I didn’t need to fight the world all the time. To just be content with life and I did, eventually.
Jack and I tied the knot in the autumn, two years ago and welcomed a gorgeous baby boy, my lovely Noel Hadley Jackson. Emily didn’t make it to my big day though but did send me a huge present and wished me all the love and luck in the world. While I gazed at her slanted writing, I smiled how she still dotted her I’s with little hearts and the tails of her g’s were still coiled prettily.
I was done trying to be better than her, I was content. But it was my mother who compelled me to write Emily a letter. We were in the attic the other day, sorting out stuff when she unearthed a gilded frame picture of me and Emily standing side by side, no older than seven at the time, holding hands with our small faces frowning. She smiled tenderly.
“I remember this.” she claimed. “We forced you two to hold hands to take this picture.” She showed the picture to me. I stared at the picture in silence before placing it into a cardboard box.
“You two never gets along.” My mother added. “I can never figure out why. You were such a bitter child…”
I drew a loud sigh and stood to face my mom. “Can we drop this? Its ancient history, mom.” My mom shook her head, disappointed at me.
“Do you know that after you refused to become her bride’s maid she refuses to stay for dinner anymore? Not even now, ever since David died.” She complained.
“You know what mom, I think I’ll think I’ll leave now.” I stomped down the attic with my mom nagging behind me.
“…. The poor thing! How is she doing these days? Twenty eight year old widow, poor child…”
“Mom, drop it will you?”
“Why can’t you just get along with her?”
Reaching my boiling point I turned on my heels and stared down my own mother. “It’s this! This is why I never got along with her. It’s you! It’s because I have never hear a word of praise from you, if it’s not for Emily. I was never good enough for you, not even when I was better than her. All these years I did everything, just to hear you acknowledge me, praise me. But no, it was always Emily. Always, Emily.”
Stunned, my mother had to grip the railing to steady herself. Her brown eyes wide.
“Honey…. I was just… well, her mother died and I had to take care of her…”
“And how does that make it okay for you to take my mother away from me?”
“I love you too, I thought you knew that.”
“I do, but I want you to love me more than her!”
My mother reached for me and pulled me into a hug. “I do honey, I do! And I have always been so proud of you.”
My husband found us like that and after a few minutes of silence in the car he spoke up, questioning me what had took place in the hallway.
I smiled bashfully and said that I had got my mother back even if I had never lost her in the first place. Then, I told him about Emily.
“Well to me, it seemed that Emily has helped you a lot.”
“In what way?”
“Well look at you love, you have a great career, great family, awesome husband.” He said and I chuckled. “How is she doing nowadays?”
I was silenced by that question. I didn’t know. She moved to California a few years ago and I had only her email with me, nothing else.
*~~~~*
Do you know something Em? I found that picture of us the other day when mom and I were cleaning the attic. The one with us holding hands, we were seven at the time. I want you to have it, so send me your address so I can post it. I think Jack is traveling to California soon for his job so we can meet up, grab a coffee or something. I haven’t seen Alyssa for so long, she must be six now right? Noel is just a few months old and since motherhood is pretty new to me, perhaps you can give me a few pointers.
I’m trying to build bridges here Em, so I’m sorry if this email sounds weird because I figured a twenty eight year friendship is pretty stupid to let die.
Looking forward to your reply!
Your red head, Ari.
PS: Jack, mom and dad says hi!
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thank you so much for reading!
