Short Stories

Gun

I remember when you bought the gun. I was always worried you had something messed up in your head. I was always worried you'd snap and do something stupid. Jamie, why'd you have to do this?

I loved you. You were the light of my life. Sure, you were a little bit off, but so was I. So is everybody. But you buying the gun was my first definite red flag.

The second was when I was doing the wash. It was close enough to when you bought it that I knew you had the gun, but long enough since then that I was able to forget about it. I found one of your shirts balled up and stained with blood. 

The third happened several occasions. I noticed after a while you'd wince or at least flinch when I touched you. I asked why a few times, but you never gave a real answer. To be honest, I don't remember what you even told me. And after a while, I just stopped asking. And it seemed after a while, you stopped flinching. Or maybe I just stopped noticing.

Okay, okay, okay. Uh. I... I don't know, I can't really think right now. Uh..  I noticed you stopped. You stopped holding my hand. You stopped smiling- not that you smiled much anyways. 

You stopped dancing. You stopped singing. Your beautiful tenor always matched with my pitches so well. You'd always join in with me when I sang, but you just... you stopped. I didn't know why. I mean, I had ideas but... oh god. I never really thought you'd do this. 

I noticed some other things, like the lack of sleep you had or the excessive amounts. Honestly, I'm not sure if you even were asleep or just planning this out. 

I noticed you stopped kissing me. But you kissed me this morning. When I poured your coffee, you seemed even more different. I think I even heard you mumble "I love you". You stopped saying that. But Jamie, honestly. If you loved me, you wouldn't have done this. Is this how you show love? Is it? Because if it is, then I don't understand! Why, Jamie? Why?

I always knew you had a problem, Jamie. But this? This is just stupid, it's just... it's stupid!

I don't understand. Just like I didn't understand what I did wrong. What did I do to drive you to do this? Was I not good enough? Was I too good? I don't know! God, Jamie, why won't you answer me? I want you back. The real you. I miss you. I'm sorry.

But why did you get the gun? Why did you do those things you did? They're so depressing... Why didn't you just tell me? I could've helped! Why did this have to happen instead? Why did I have to walk in here to see you with that gun? Why did I? 

And why did you have to hold that gun up to my head?