They say to never catch feelings or that catching feelings is wrong . They make it seem that feeling a certain way towards someone is the worst situation possible . Generation X they call us I believe ?. I was one point where I couldn't feel anything . Where I could never get a emotional reaction out of myself and let me inform you that it's the worst thing ever . I don't know why people love to feel nonemotional. I was so glad when I got the chance to feel something I felt alive actually . But I believe I caught this feeling called love. I talked to a guy for a week and eventually we were ahead of ourselves and a couple days later we made it official . I sent pictures , not really proud of that but then again it's my body . Then he said the three words "I love you " . I was surprised , surprised he could love someone like me . I didn't take it seriously but eventually I did we were head over heels you can say for each other . Then I say a week later he texts me saying "Idk about us" . I was worried because I really like him but then got into the discussion when we realized we jumped into a relationship way too soon . So much other stuff happened afterwards we decided to ho backwards back to the talking stage but we had problems like a real couple honestly . There was one night I was about to break , really break because he assumed and it ended up with us arguing to the point I wanted to cry . But something in me , made me said the words I love you to him . I was scared that I wouldn't mean it but my heart was just typing the words for me . We eventually got back on track and went downhill again . And now recently we are talking again . But it's not the talking feeling like a relationship . It's more like a sexlationship . Where I just do sexual favors and hope to please him in order to keep him . I really do not know if it's the love that does not want me to lose him ever . It's like I'm the roots of a tree and he's the ground and we are just bonded . I really don't know if this is love where I still smile at his name on my screen or whenever I FaceTime him I'm cheesing hard as fuck and I still get butterflies. And at the not so well points deleting his number but eventually adding it back an hour later . I honestly do not know if he feels this way back . I feel like maybe it's unhealthy maybe this love took a wrong turn or make this wasn't love at all . Being only 16 and feeling this way I really feel lost . Having no one fo go for advice and value it . I can say I caught feelings so much feelings that I can't use a regular net . But catching feelings have you doing things you never thought you will do . For better or for worse , or for the fact to be scared of being alone .
