The Price Of A Friendship

"Sometimes you try and ignore the obvious and shield yourself from the blunt truth that some people are truly clueless to how much they hurt you."

Rain beats against the fragile glass that would break the instant a ball would make contact to it, making the glass break. There I am staring out the window thinking... I know the people that were dashing away to their cars to go to places to eat or go to the grocery store to make food at home to make things good for their family to survive, they would all take a glance from the outside in to look at me. A sad, moping teenager, or maybe see nothing in that window, like how I am at school. Just another face in the crowd. My wrists splattered with red liquid, warming me up like it is, the blood that flows within me writing the words on my skin, pain... Preparing myself for the next day to put on the mask and deal with the one person in my life that just doesn't understand about my pain and how much they have caused into my life from the actions they have done. They are blind to what the truth is and I don't have the gut to tell that one person about this pain... How could you when they are the only person that has the balls to talk to you when everyone else in the world turns their backs on a person like me.

I put that mask on every single day, the smiling, blind mask to show people that they don't need to fret about someone like me, I'd just be a waste of their time. The friend, the only one left in my life that even has the balls to talk to a broken teenager, has taken everything in her life to make me hurt before all of this happened when she needed me. All I could think of was, why she needed me when she has done nothing but bring pain everything in her own mustered strength, someone that still had the damn guts to even go home and say to her parents that she loves them when she never wanted anything to do with me, would do anything to control me. Make my anger be the only thing that I was thinking about all day and all night.

Loosing sleep, loosing common sense, and loosing the one thing that I cherish most in my life where I'm concerned... my dignity. SHE goes out of her own way to take every fiber of my loyal personality away, so then you could have it all for yourself. All the friends you could ask for, all the attention in the world when you don't need it, and the majority of them used to be mine. But the rumors you spread to their gullible ears tear me away from them.

Now I stand alone in this cold dreadful
Life that you have bestowed upon me to make you the happiest bitch in the world. Remember when we used to be friends? Don't you remember that? We were so close together, it was us versus the entire world. People would believe that we were sisters from another mister. But now all of that is gone because of the words you said.

What happened to your loyal and truthful heart? Did the big bad boogie monster take that once joyful heart that I once had known away from my life as a punishment for me?

Of all the things you have done to me, have I gone away from you? No, I stick around with you because in my heart I believe that if I were to loose you I would just straight up die right where I stand before you now... I know I keep getting hurt, there are people around that have been left untouched by your anger filled words that tell me that j should ditch you and move on. Life would be better for me with out you around.

There are days that I believe that... and other days I think they are lying to me. I know I was put on this Earth for a reason, more than what you tell me when you say die. I Still move on in life knowing that one day your heart will change for the better.

I stay with you as my friend, not only to make you happy but I believe that I was put in your life to suffer for a reason. Maybe to see the things that you have done in life, the hurtful things you do to other people.

I hope one day that your child will know the difference between love and hate when you have one later down in the world. I know mine will, and I will tell them about the hatred that spreads around the world. I will tell them about the way people will treat them when they are too kind and to watch out for them. But also know that one day they will come around. Maybe you'll come around too... But I can only wish.

The price I pay for you is harsh, but I pay it with the faith I have been given so then one day you'll understand. I write this to you my friend, my wanna be best friend in the whole world,  maybe to see the pain you have caused to me.

Please one day understand this... Now I say goodbye, I guess my wish to tell my child about you will never come, in fact, my child won't even exist. I hope you are happy with my choice. The red liquid that drips from my wrists is only the beginning. I'm sorry Rose, I don't have what it takes in me anymore to make you happy. I hope you see this so that you'll feel the pain. Don't take your life, you have everything you have ever wanted. You deserve life better than me...