ILTHY | l.p.

19 | i love to hate you

CHAPTER 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍
❛ 𝗢𝗵 𝗻𝗼, 𝗜'𝗺 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻 ❜
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[ y/n ]

After all the hard work of making the song comes the other hard work of recording the song.

We all decided to meet up at McDonald's to have a cheap breakfast teenagers, except the Partridge siblings, can afford. But they were just as humble as the rest of us, never truly flaunting their money. Especially Louis. That man is horribly loaded with the money he gets from his job; he's a man of Prada, for Christ's sake.

"I can't wait to get filthy rich when we win the contest and get discovered." Felix sighed and sipped on his vanilla McCoffee. It's as early as 8am, and half of us are barely awake.

"If we win," Lisa grumbled.

"Oh, come on. Of course you guys will win! Y/n and Louis made it." Millie cheered us up, then added afterwards when Felix raised his hand. "And Felix too, who made the beat."

"Acoustic. The 00's going acoustic. Never thought I'd live to see this day." Lisa reached for Felix's fries, ignoring the way he glared at her. "Should I dye my hair back to blonde then? To fit the new vibe."

"No," I immediately said, brows furrowed as I stared at her. "You hate blondes."

"Afraid we're past that. I hate acoustic as well, love."

I don't speak because I know Lisa does hate this whole thing, but she does want to win just as badly as anyone else. So naturally, she's just as passionate. I look at Louis, who was silently seated beside Millie. He was on his coffee, a hoodie over his fluffy hair. It looked like he just rolled out of bed and slipped into the closest thing his closet could offer. He wasn't looking at me, scrolling down his phone instead.

And he was ethereal.

Now I had trouble swallowing my hash brown. Being around Louis every day really had an effect on me. I learned new things about him, noticed his hobbies, and was able to count the freckles on his face. He and I never ran out of topics to talk about, whether it be about the song or something else. I never told him that I am continuing the stupid scrapbook he told me to do. Even if I swore to never pick up craft papers and glitters ever again after the whole Michael thing, there's something about him that makes my inner child reach for the scissors and stickers.

I was so used to talking to him now that it felt weirdly empty not to banter with him when he's seated over there. Just there, beyond my reach.

I wonder if he has the urge too. How can he touch my hand to pull me in front of him in public spaces just so he won't lose me in crowds, tease me endlessly then apologize when he thinks he's gone too far just to do it all over again, ruffle my hair even when I slap his hand, and look at me with a twinkle of gold in his dark eyes just to be all casual about it in the end? Okay, maybe it is the bare minimum.

I hate him. I hate Louis. I love hating Louis like it's all I know how to do.

To distract myself from my thoughts, I tap the extra straws at the table, finding a beat I'm content with. The group doesn't mind—they're used to the way I am. But Louis huffs, finally pulls away from his screen, and grabs the straws away from my hands like it was loud enough to annoy him. Like he was hyperaware of every movement I made.

"Will you stop that?" Louis squeezes my hands. "Hitting sticks on the surface is just not a good habit. It distracts and annoys others without remorse. Frankly, it's rude."

"Woah. Who pissed on your cereal this morning?" Millie snorts at her brother.

My heart lit up in annoyance and excitement. Finally, Louis notices me again.

"God, says the guy who's paid to be someone he's not." I quickly add and purposefully add gas to the fire.

Louis didn't reply, but a small smirk left his lips. A sign he does enjoy every time we both fight. Suddenly, the morning didn't matter anymore, and I was recharged and giddy without the need of coffee.

ⵌ

The said studio where I and the band record songs is actually in Sam's room. Sue us; I already said we were surviving on what we have. And I love it. Somehow, this makes everything more fun. At least we have Sam with us even while recording.

I tie my hair up with my pin, going over my notes. These lyrics, these words written by me and Louis. A testimony that we both successfully tolerated each other. It isn't recorded officially yet, but it already is my favorite song.

The demo played in the speakers, my voice heard first.

All I knew
This morning when I woke
Is I know something now
Know something now I didn't before
And all I've seen
Since eighteen hours ago
Is green eyes and freckles and your smile
In the back of my mind making me feel like

Then Louis' voice.

And all my walls
Stood tall painted blue
But I'll take 'em down, take 'em down
And open up the door for you

And mine again.

And all I feel
In my stomach is butterflies
The beautiful kind, makin' up for lost time
Takin' flight, makin' me feel like

When we both sang "I just wanna know you better now", my heart dropped.

Because I realized something.

With the lyrics, with the song done, and the talent show finished. Whether we win or not, it means I don't have any reason at all to see Louis anymore.

He'll be gone out of reach.

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