115 Questions

Question #115

WHY AM I LIKE THIS?

I stare outside of my window. The sun is glaring through the glass, casting shadows over me.

I glance at the crumpled up piece of paper on the floor. It lies there, mocking me. I can hear the voices whispering inside my head. Telling me to do something, anything. But I can't and I just sit on my bed. As if something will change.

As if my mom would burst through the door and tell me everything is okay. She would just sit there and hug me as I cry into her shoulder. And my dad would come back to tell me that he's sorry and he loves me. He'd promise to never leave again and stay with me forever. I imagine everything would just disappear and I'd forget. That would be nice but that's not how life works.

In fact, life makes it its job to make you remember every second of the pain and joy. Every fragment of unhappiness or laughter. It taunts you and all you want to do is scream.

People say that someone out there in the world has it worse than you. Someone is suffering worse than you. I don't deny this at all. But I do know that it's all in our minds to feel like we should be pitied and that we are the only ones that are suffering. I also don't deny that I haven't felt like this. Everyone has. And if you deny it, your just a flat out liar.

Maybe that's what's wrong with our world. We are all so self centered and narcissistic. That it just eats you on the inside. But some people don't like telling people their problems. And just listen to others complain about how hard they have it. People like me listen to everyone's problems and try to fix them. Even when I can't even fix my own problems.