Let's Buy A Boat

i ejaculated in a crumpet.

GOOD YARD! This was exactly what Christopher Eccelston said when he barged into the room of Skate maloley, who was currently masturbating violently to pictures of children with Aspergers. He was also shoving beanbags of various shapes and sizes into his ever expanding anal cavity, a process which he described helped him culminate into true being sexually. He was, in fact, about to reach his climax while staring at a particularly autistic boy's picture, but then he decided that he would save his STD filled ejaculation for another, more worthy display of jacking-off material. For that reason, he promptly switched on the TV to a show called Cory In The House, a show about a particularly sexually attractive african american who was the first black man in the white house (the second being bill cosby). As soon as he saw Cory's scrumptious black ass appear on his television screen in full resolution high definition 420 by Autism pixels, his 1.663 inch long dong began to twitch. Due to the position he was in, his alfredo sauce would be expelled from his dong and then land on Mr Eccelston's Jacket, a very expensive Jacket made from the furs of autistic rabbits. So, with his lightning-fast Maloley skills, he picked up a crumpet (widely enjoyed snack in Britain at teatime) and slammed it down on his Salami Rod. As he blew his load into the undercooked crumpet, Christopher Eccelston watched him in pure ectasy.

"Hey, do you want a CUMpet?" Skate Maloley asked Mr eccelston with a grand pride emanating from his beaming face as he held up the crumbling biscuit-like snack, his love nectar flowing through the cracks in the pastry in his palm.

"Why of course," said Mr Eccelston as he immediately scarfed down the crumpet, promptly receiving herpes, Chlamydia and AIDS from Skate Maloley all at once. Mr. Eccelston removed his pants, revealing his secret technique to Skate in a fantastic spectacle.

At once, Skate began vomiting all over the floor of his dumpy apartment (which was already piled high with elephant feces). The reason for this outburst was because Mr Eccelston had whipped out his member, a giant Giraffe Penis that he had transplanted onto himself from his previous encounter with Hairy Styles. "Are you not entertained by my dong; the instrument that will bring forth the painful expansion of your bum hole????" Skate decided to shove a beanbag up his bunglehole before considering the statement.

Skate thought for a few seconds and said, ' before you do this, can i cut off your penis and use it as a boat? I need to get out of this apartment as I am now literally up to my chest in Elephant Shit ( a combination of the albums he released and elephant feces. 

"sorry, no can do," said Mr Eccelston.

"no prob" said Skate. 'SPECIAL TECHNIQUE' he yelled and swam furiously through his apartment full of liquid elephant feces.  He then grabbed a frying pan, put it on the stove, and pissed in it, effectively making it nice and wet for cooking.

"what are you cooking" asked Mr. Eccelston from the other room.

"my dangly bits!" yelled Skate Maloley as he dropped a stick of butter into the pan and let it melt. 'hmm, needs more flavoring,' he thought. He then climbed onto the kitchen counter and began to defecate violently into the pan, making it create a 'sssss' sound. The preparations were complete. Skate Maloley picked up the frying pan and poured most of the ungodly substance into the trash, leaving enough in the pan to have a slick layer of poop and butter, a mixture he liked to call cocoa butter.

He slid off his pants and panties and revealed his golden-blue ass cheeks to the world. He then turned the Tv in his living room to Cory In The House and turned up the volume so his friend Cory could experience his ritual with him.

"WHEEE!!" He lifted the heated pan filled with the scalding repulsive mixture of his excrement ( that had been mixed thoroughly with one stick of butter, his infected urine, and a pint of fruit juice ) and swung it with all his might towards his posterior, filling the house and his ass cheeks with a resounding SMACK, and then a low sizzle. "YOWZA!!" BANG! sssssss....  Once again the house was filled with the unsettling noise of Skate Maloley's pure bred ass cheeks colliding with his disgusting home made concoction, resulting in a very powerful and sensual display indeed. After whanging the frying pan into his buttocks repeatedly for a good hour and 69 mimutes, he decided that he should move on to some other, less addictive activity.

He cartwheeled, or rather fartwheeled into the living room, pooting proudly as he spun through the piles of elephant turd, amplifying the rancid smell of the aged turds with his ripe flatulence. "I JUST BUSTED A GRUMPY" he yelled with great confidence across the apartment.

"That's great!" came the enthusiastic reply. "I just lost my virginity to a giraffe penis!" Yelled Mr Eccelston from the other room. In his surprise, Skate Maloley shoved another beanbag up his ass.

"But Mr. Eccelston, that was supposed to be our boat out of this place!" wailed Skate Maloley as he looked at him in terror. Mr. Eccelston however was preoccupied with his own sensation, however. His face was contorted in pure ecstasy; ecstasy that one can only achieve by having a Giraffe cock rammed 16 inches into their ass. Mr Eccelston died that day from pure happiness, but then he said his last words.

"Listen... Skate... these are your senior's last words, so... cough... listen carefully... cough.."

Skate proceeded to shove beanbags into his ass repeatedly and for no reason.

"Do you want to buy  boat?"

To which Skate replied, "GOOGLIE MOOGLIE"

and then flo rida came and began shoving beanbags into his ass like Skate and sang GDFR.

"SHITS GOIN DOWN FOR REEEAAAAL" bewbewbewbewbew tootootoo doot doot

Skate shoved a beanbag up his ass, then died from beanbag poisoning and Herpes.

The end, hope you guys loved it <3

lub you all.