Alternate Universe

Hidden

"I was her cure, and she was my disease. I was saving her, yet she was killing me."

Painful it may sound, but that's just how life goes. You'll be lucky if you'll survive, but then again, all of us survive. Pain would just go away, but love would never go. You might moved on, but how do you really know that you already did, when even you can't seem to forget about her, anything at all?

Pretty, cool, timid and has a lot of sense of fashion- that's how I come to know. I'm intelligent, as what others have been knowing me as- for I have known how to handle worse situations. Funny how everyone thought I was, including myself, that I can. But then, that was just worse situations, and I've never encountered worst ones. But then again, I wasn't as smart as they thought I was. And I wish I never craved to be smarter than I already was.

See, falling in love supposed to make you feel good, but why am I feeling the otherwise? Had I been so bad to feel this way? If I hadn't been impatient, do I still get this? If I had, would I still lose her?

Yes. You heard it right. Her. I fell in love with a girl. Maybe you would think I wished I hadn't. But funny thing here is, I was in love and it never felt wrong. People might think the other way around, but to me, it was the most wonderful feeling I've ever had. To be with her. Something that a guy could never give me. But do you know what's the funniest, among them all? She also gave me the worst feeling a guy could never give. And I never want other guy to do the same thing, I only want her to love me and at the same time give me the most painful feeling I'll ever feel. Crazy. I know. I guess that's how love works. You became crazy and unreasonable, but in spite of it all, you would still choose to be one. For the one you love.

My whole life was funny. Like in English subject, everything has its degree of its own. One moment it's funny, the second would be funnier, and the next would be funniest. However, I had my degree of my own. Everyone might actually think that after the funniest happened, it's the end. Actually, no. Something happened next.

Because the most funniest thing happens. Yes, double superlative. Decades have passed and the memories still flashes before your eyes, as clear as the crystal in the cave, as clear as the sky above, in your head. And being the nice girl I was, instead of forcing it to go away, I let it in. I let everything comes into my head, I let all those memories, even the sad ones, get through my head. I wasn't even sure if I'm still sane. Because eventhough it's thrice the painful in a wound, I still wish it won't go away. And if possible, it won't go. Because if I'll wish for the pain to go away, had I also wish for the joy she gave me, to go away? Even though both are the total opposite, both are connected. Because of her, I came to realize that love has two phase. The other is pain, and the other is joy. And you cannot love if you have not feel the both, at the same time, at the same scale.

I met her at the first class of our second grading. First grading was done, and as such I have proved to be the best. I had a lot of As at almost every subject, sometimes -, but mostly, +. She must have noticed those cause that's actually the reason why she approached me. She liked me.

It was our dismissal time, and I was currently placing my things at my bag. Everyone was waving their byes to me, and I responded to them as well, by smiling, or sometimes by waving bye back. I grab my earthscience notes, ready to place it into my bag, when I noticed someone was standing timidly in front of me. She was tall, with her blondé long hair tailed in her back. Her hair was already that long, how much more if she let it fall? She is wearing our old uniform, a dark blue long sleeve and a blouse inside, with a dark ribbon tied on the neck. She was beautiful.

I remembered how you first said your hi to me. It was so lovely that I never thought it would end a painful bye.

"Hi," she uttered, placing her tiny hairs behind her ears. I smiled and continue what I was doing. I never talked with this girl all the first grading, and I want to pinch myself for not doing so.