We are now on the plane to England.
Honestly I'm scared to meet my grandmother. But I'm excited to leave America. England is going to be a big change. I really hope it helps the both of us to heal.
Mom is sleeping.
So I guess this the part where I explain my life.
My father used to be a wonderful man. He took care of me and my mother. He had a good paying job. Life was good. But one day he came home with a man named Jimmy.
He is the reason my life is a wreck.
At first the both of them just told me to stay up on my room when he is over.
Dad started drugs. Heroin and coke.
He started beating my mother two months after he started. She found him snorting on our coffee table.
She yelled at him and told him to get out of the house because she was not going to live with a drug addicted man.
He screamed at my mom saying e could stop when he wanted and he wasn't addicted. But it was obvious. He beat her down to the ground and kicked her until she could barley breath. Since that day my mom was his punching bag. When jimmy came over a few days later.. They both beat her and used her for everything.
He started raping me wen I was 8 years of age. I couldn't walk for days I could barley breath. He never stopped. He only did it occasionally. But I hated him for it. I tried to fight back the third time and he banged be over the head with a lamp and did it anyway.
That's why I didn't tell my mom. Because I knew he was capable of more than knocking me out.
I've only been in love once. At least I thought it was love, his name was Alex. I really liked him Until he tried to touch me. I didn't like it. He was moving too fast and brought to many memories. He said if he couldn't fuck me than he won't talk to me again. I thought he was understanding. I tried to explain. I told him everything and yet he still hurt me. That was only last year.
I started to self harm when I was 12 a year after I started smoking. I cut my wrists and my belly and thighs. My mom did know about that. But when she asked me about it I told her a lie. I told her I did it because I was bullied. I was bullied but that's not the reason I cut.
I haven't cut since last month. But you still see the scars up and down my arms very clearly. I know you probably think that cutting won't help anything. But the physical pain helps me forget about the emotional pain. I've learned to take pain. To fight. And not to show my weaknesses.
I haven't had a wonderful life but after this, its going to be way better. We get to start all over.
__________
I felt tapping on my shoulder.
I opened my eyes. It was my mom.
"Sweetie I've got us breakfast."
I sat up. And ate my food. My neck is killing me because of these seats. They are not very confertable.
"Thanks mom. Um are we almost there?." Yeah they made an announcement bout 20 minutes ago saying it'll be a half hour until we get to the airport."
"Thank god. These seats are killing me. And I need a cigarette. I'm dying here. Remind me. After this to never get on a plane again."
She chuckled "okay dear." And rolled her eyes.
When we got off of the plane I saw a man with a sign with "Amanda" written on it. That's my moms name. So when she came back with our bags I pointed that man out.
"Ma is that the guy who is taking us to grandmas house?"
"Oh my. Jeremy! My brother!" She dropped our bags and ran to him. When he noticed that there was a lady running at him he looked truly scared. Then I guess he realized who it was and opened his arms for her. She jumped into his arms and they squeezed each other tight.
He put her feet on the ground and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
"Bunny I missed you." I heard her say. Bunny? What kind of nick name is that for a grown ass man?
"I missed you too penguin." Penguin? Wow they must have had a weird childhood. Why animals? I don't know.
I picked our bags up and walked towards them.
Jeremy looked at me and smiled. He was about to give me a hug and I flinched. I didn't mean to honestly, but mom noticed and pushed his shoulder back slightly. I guess she understands that men are something I'm not a fan of right now. I mean I'm still attracted to men but I'd rather them not touch me. At all. Ever.
He introduces himself as my uncle Jeremy.
"I bet you both are hungry where you want to go?" Jeremy looked at the both of us.
"Oh we have already ate on the plane." My mom told him
"Oh okay we'll let's get going then.".
He shows us to the car. And we put our bags in the trunk.
We all get in. Me in the back of course.
Right when I got in I lit a cigarette. I've been craving one since I got on that damn plane.
Jeremy looked back and his eyes widened. "What the hell? AMANDA SHE IS SMOKING! Put that out are you crazy?" Jeremy freaked over me smoking.
"No are you crazy? I just lit this son of a bitch. That would be a waste. Plus I haven't had one since we got on that plane." I told him and then took a drag.
"Amanda! She smokes? You let her smoke?"he asked looking at her like she was an insect.
"Jeremy calm down. Yes I let her smoke. Do you not remember when we were kids. We had to sneak cigarettes. I'd rather know and let her smoke then her do it behind my back. Strict parents make sneaky children. The both of us know that from experience. Just let her smoke then she won't do it in front of you again. Deal?" She asked
"Deal." He said starting The car. Still looking disappointed
"But you know grandma won't like that smoking habit you have Laya." Jeremy told me.
"She won't like it but she'll get over it. Because it's who I am. And if no one can understand that then they can just leave me the fuck alone."
"I guess" he said
Then we took off.
___________
A/N
Now y'all know the story if her past. I hope you guys find it interesting so far. I also hope you don't think I'm a complete weirdo. Haha! We'll I already have the next chapter half written.
Enjoy xx
