bagheera

>> obsolete

I want them back
The minds we had
It's not enough to feel the lack
- Ribs by Lorde

The streets are filled with people and most walk by without even glancing at me. But I know that they can hear me because my violin is bright and making beautiful music compared to the horrible cars and chatter of people from the café. The owner let me play outside it today for ten dollars and he said that I needed to give him half of everything that I made today. Already I had been out here for an hour and the bottom of my violin case was filled with silver and gold coins, accompanied by only a couple notes.

Children walking by stare with their wide Bambi eyes at me as I smile and continue to play. I have never played for such a large and ever growing crowd. They don't know it but I am nervous beyond words but I am always able to play wonderfully under pressure.

I will try to make as such money as I can so that I can get enough to travel through yet another town and disappear. It's been only a week and still the smell of burning wood and memories sting my nose. Every time someone twitches or there's a sharp expression my way, I get this feeling that they know. They know what I did. They know what has happened to me. They know that I am that beautiful and talented DuBois girl who died in that fire.

But then I shake the thought from my mind. I am no longer Marguerite DuBois. Because she died. She died in a horrific fire and her family died from smoke inhalation and were buried respectfully.

The song has ended and this is my favourite part because the last long and drawn out slice of the bow can be such a battle of emotions. Fear or it ending, happiness for the song, sadness for the lamenting sound of it. However I was forbidden to play rather depressing songs because the café owner didn't want to the atmosphere being anything less than enjoyable for his customers.

I don't need to turn sheet music because I remember every song I've mastered but I do take the violin out from under my chin to tune it absent-mindedly. Some people have now noticed that no sweet violin music is playing and glance my way. Over the past week I have learned how to smile so people think that you are okay and happy.

It is a talent and I am still learning how to make the smile reach my eyes. But something tells me that will not happen for a long time. One of the waitresses comes out and hands me a glass of water. I give her that same smile and she returns it. She too has this fake smile that she must present to her customers. I hope she notices my forced happiness too so that she understands that she's not alone.

I turn back and take a large gulp of water and find that there's a little girl with bouncy pigtails clutching a teddy bear to her side standing by my violin case. I give her a kind smile one that is genuine because I've always found children who are curious about buskers to be kind later in life. They're not afraid of strangers who look different to them.

"You play really good" she says with her stunned eyes. She makes the 'r' and 'l' sound like a 'w'.
"Thank you. That's a very cute teddy bear" I say and stoop down to put the glass of water on the ground and I stop so that I'm talking to the girl on her level.
"What's her name?" I ask gently to the girl. She brings the teddy up to her eye level and thrusts her out to me.
"Rosie" she says confidently.

"That's a very pretty name" I tell her and she giggles at my response.
"My names Milly" she continues proudly.

"That's a very pretty name too" the girl nods at my response and then looks directly in my eyes.
"What's your name?"

There's a moment where I go to tell her my old name. But I restrain myself, this is the first time anyone has ever asked for my name. Even the café owner didn't ask for it just told me to keep my mouth shut and play my violin. I can feel my smile faltering slightly but I bring myself back together.
"Bagheera"
"Bah-heewa" the girl says slowly trying to slowly pronounce my name. I smile at her and nod my head.
"I saw a movie with a cat named Bah-heewa" the girl tells me and glances down at the violin in my hands.

"'The Jungle Book', yeah I loved that book as a kid" I still do.
"Is that where you're named from?" she asks and tucks her teddy back under her arm. Before I can answer the girl her mother appears behind her and puts her hands on her shoulders.
"Come on Milly, darling we don't want to disrupt the lady anymore" her mother is very tall and elegant and her daughter looks just like her.
"Oh it's no trouble" I say and stand to my full length.

Milly's mother looks me up and down with no kindness in her eyes. I can see her eying off my black heels and dress disapprovingly.
"Milly and I were just talking about Rosie" I wink at the little girl who is presently being shielded behind her mother's leg. The mother stared down at the coins in the violin case.
"You do play quite beautifully" she said but I didn't suspect any kindness in the words at all.
"Thank you, I've been playing for quite some years now" I explained to her, keeping up the conversation with this harsh woman.

The woman only gave me a sharp smile and then looked down at her daughter.
"Come on darling, the lady needs to play her violin now and we need to go find some flowers for Grandma"
"Mummy, her name's Bah-heewa not lady" Milly told her mother straight but she wasn't listening.
"Honey, I don't think her name is that. Now come on we have to get some flowers"

My eyes lingered on the struggling child being pulled along by her harsh looking mother. Swallowing back tears I picked up my violin and chose a Disney tune to play this time. The violin case was filled much faster and greater than before.

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