Parade's End Epilogue

Sincerity

When Christopher returned to Sylvia's bedroom, she was already in her nightgown and was still sitting on the chair. They looked at each other for some time before Christopher said that he had not any clothes there at Sylvia's flat. "Oh" was Sylvia's only reply.

Michael then came in from Christopher's old bedroom through the connecting door. Since Christopher did not live there anymore, Michael occupied the room. He came in to the room, just grinning at his parents.

"I'll go prepare my room." Christopher told the both of them.

"No. Michael could sleep beside me and you can sleep in your old bedroom. The other room is too dusty for you to sleep there."

"No matter. Dust won't kill me."

"I think you should sleep in mother's room." Michael interrupted. He was very happy that his father stayed and they did not want to upset him, so they agreed and Christopher pat him on the head and he went to bed. When they saw that their son had gone to bed, they shut the connecting door.

Sylvia went to bed and Christopher just stood there by the door. Sylvia stared at him from the bed as if she was asking him what he was going to do. Christopher then removed his jacket, walked towards the bed and sat, his back facing her.

"Are you sure she's alright with this?" Sylvia asked. Christopher turned to her while he was unbuttoning his shirt. He didn't answer. Instead he lied down beside her in his unbuttoned shirt. "Christopher, I-"

"She will be alright." He assured her.

"What's going to happen to Brownlie now?"

Christopher looked at her. "You mustn't worry about him." After a long pause, he spoke again. "Where did you go?"

She looked at him. They were now facing each other. Quickly, Sylvia understood Christopher's question. "Germany. I stayed with mother there for a few days before she finally allowed me to go wherever I wanted to go."

"Paris?" he guessed.

"Yes. I wanted to be alone. It was the only place I could go."

Christopher thought for a while if he should ask what he was about to ask. "When we were in Germany, I asked one of the maids how you'd been. She said she didn't know."

"Nobody else knew. Only Evie was with me. I'm awfully thankful for her. She was the one who sent all my letters to Michael."

"I thought you went to visit?"

"I did, once in a fortnight."

Christopher thought again before asking. "How had you been? After you left?"

Sylvia answered after a long pause. "There is no word to describe the feeling. All I know was, I wanted to be alone. So, I was. For 7 or 8 months."

"Why would you do that to yourself?"

"You did it to me, Christopher. You were gone and suddenly, the whore became the solitary. Did you think that I was happy to walk out when you chose her instead of me? Did you think that I celebrated as soon as I left? Do you think I enjoy living without you? Do you think that it doesn't hurt me every time I see Michael and be reminded of you?" Sylvia said those words in almost a whisper as tears fell. "Sometimes I think, maybe I do deserve this. Maybe I deserve to live a miserable life for being unfaithful to you. But Christopher... All that I did for you to notice me, to do something. I wanted you to stop me. I wanted you to care. All I got from you was coldness, from the beginning to the end." Sylvia was sobbing now but she was trying to shush herself.

"I'm very sorry, Sylvia. I truly am." Christopher touched her arm slowly. "I think I know better now. I've known you for so long, lived under one roof for so long, yet it took me so long to understand you. Apart from pulling the strings in the shower bath once in a while," Sylvia smiled at that, "you would do loathsome doings just to hide what you truly feel." His hand moved to her face. "I understand now." They were both in tears now.

"Are you really happy with her?" Sylvia asked and she didn't know why she did.

"I... We understand each other and she worries about me and cares for me when I'm unwell."

"You didn't answer the question." She turned, removing Christopher's hand from her face, and faced up.

"No... If you think that she's a better person, you're mistaken. It was my fault. If only I'd treated you better, if only I understood, we wouldn't be hurting each other now."

"Am I hurting you?"

"I haven't anyone to blame for my distress but myself."

Sylvia turned to him again. "Oh, Christopher." She touched his cheeks and he shut his eyes. "Can we stop hating each other? Perhaps I can live without you. But knowing that you hate me..."

Christopher opened his eyes and shifted closer to Sylvia. He put his hand at the back of his neck and pulled her for a long passionate kiss. They had been craving for each other's lips for so long. Their movements became faster, their bodies were closer to each other. And then, they knew, it was going to happen that night.

Christopher thought it wasn't right but something deep inside his brain wasyelling at him that it was right. She was his woman and he was his man. Theyfit with each other more than they imagined. There was no way for Christopher to stop it now, and he was not going to. He wanted it. She wanted it. And it's normal for a couple to give each other what they wanted.